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Rushing to the spire won’t help him. It won’t regrow his dick and turn his body human. He needs to find a way to do that. What did Gerrard think while watching us sleep—now I understand how Joe found that disturbing when I confessed to doing the same—to change?
Did watching Joe and Michael interact and sleep cause mine to regrow, or was it when Julie arrived?
I’m not sure, because I couldn’t see my own body until very recently.
Julie watches Michael with her lips pressed tight together.
He glowers at her. “I know. My thoughts did this, so I must undo it.”
“Agreed,” says Gerrard as he starts walking. “I will think it away and bring back my armor.”
“Good luck with that.” If it was as easy as willing things to change, I wouldn’t look like this. Michael would have reverted already and Joe, well, I’m not sure about him. I think he kind of likes his fangs and tail and both dicks. He’s like a human with monster bits. I am a monster with human bits, like Gerrard.
But I am closer to human than Michael. There is no smug pride that comes with that thought, only sorrow that Michael may not make it if he can’t save himself.
I turn and follow Gerrard. The others trail after me.
15
Gerrard
Itumble the name she gave me through my mind. At first, I hate it. It grates and jars. But the more I think about it, the smoother it becomes. I am Gerrard. If I am now Gerrard, who was I before? What did others call me? I don’t remember. I don’t think I had a name.
Now I have a name and an appendage—dick I correct—for fucking, though I lied when I said I understood what it was for. All I know is that it has something to do with mounting Julie. She is their queen, which makes her a danger to mine.
My queen is a danger to me.
I want to avoid the throne room until I have sorted myself out.
But the memory of the pleasure from touching myself remains. Threading through my blood and teasing my senses. I could have more of that. What if it was Julie touching me?
Has she touched all of them in that way?
I glance over my shoulder, not to check that they are all there, but to steal a glance at her.
Theo moves into my line of sight. “If you attempt to hurt her, we will kill you.”
“That’s not what I was thinking.”
“I know.” He glances down at my half-hard dick. “My words still stand. You need to wait for her to offer.” His voice is soft, like he doesn’t want to be overheard. “And for that, you need to behave less like a monster and more like someone who cares.”
“I protected you. That’s why I lost my armor.” And regained more of that horrid memory. My human hands are covered in blood. I am hurt and bleeding and there is noise and screaming and the flashing lights make me dizzy.
“Probably.”
I shouldn’t be asking questions. I shouldn’t be curious. But I am. If I attack them, I will get my armor back. If I cause pain and feel rage instead of pleasure, then I will lose my dick. The queen will never know, but what if it happens again?
Now that I have been broken once, it might be easier to slip.
Worse, I want to learn what it feels like to be held. I have less armor now, so I will be able to feel her hands on my skin.
“I don’t like this in between. I want to…” I don’t know how to explain that I want to change in both directions.
Theo presses his lips together, hiding all those teeth. He still looks like a monster. His head is the wrong shape to be human, his mouth and eyes are too big, but he appears too weak to be a monster.
“You like the rage and the blood lust, but you want to learn more about pleasure?”
I nod. “You feel it too.”
