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The queen, my mother, strides toward us. I don’t want to rush the guys up the spire, but I also don’t want to wait for her to reach us. A small part of me hopes she will realize she doesn’t have to live like this, that she can forgive herself for the death of my father—her fiery form is not lost on me—and for letting me go.
I shudder at the thought of arriving in Under as a toddler. That is a fate, I am glad Gran saved me from. Gran…with everything I’ve learned, she’ll be able to change her leg and heal. There is so much I want to share with her. Though, there are some details I’ll leave out.
Joe is the first to begin climbing. He reaches up for a handhold and then another, in a few quick moves he is above even Gerrard’s head. He is next, though he moves more slowly, as though considering each move.
Theo is next, following Joe’s path. If he fears failing again, it doesn’t show.
Michael reaches out a hand to me. “Come on.”
I smile and accept. Though I don’t need to climb.
“You belong with me, Julie,” Mom calls.
“And you belong in the human world. Forgive yourself. Find some love and compassion and you will begin to change. Nothing in Under is permanent.” That is also true for life above.
“Change? I am queen.” She throws out her arms.
She is only queen until someone seizes her throne. Then she will be dead, or lost and wandering like Theo. I hesitate.
“You can’t save her if she doesn’t want to be saved,” Michael murmurs.
She doesn’t know how to save herself. If I stay, would I be able to help her, or would I be damning myself? I stare up the spire to where the others are climbing. They also need me. If I am with Mom, they will have no one to catch them.
“Go.” I release his hand.
Michael puts his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t let her grab you.”
I’m less afraid now than I was when he pulled me out of the puddle. But even then, there was something in his eyes, a touch of humanity. When I look at my mother, there is nothing human about her. When she looks at me, there is no love.
I face her on the walkway. Behind me, Michael is climbing and soon they are out of her reach. Not that she wants them. She only wants me.
She stops three feet away. Heat radiates off her body. She fought her way to the top so she could grab me. “You were brave and determined to become queen.”
“Because you are mine.” Her fingers open and close.
“Mom, do you remember what that means? Do you remember playing with me? Feeding me? Do you remember Dad?”
She tilts her head.
“Do you remember me as a baby?”
“I remember you are mine and you were taken from me.”
I sigh. I’m not circling around this again. “You have to remember if you want to change, Mom. When you do, you’ll be able to climb and return home.”
“This is my home. This is your home.” She lunges for me.
I launch into the air. My wings ache from catching Theo, but I will do it again if I need to. Her fingers close beneath my feet.
“You can’t leave me.”
Her words wound my heart. Not that long ago, I’d have done anything to see her again. Now I know she is lost, and I can’t stay without losing myself. “I am. And if you loved me, you’d want what is best for me. That’s not staying here.”
Beneath me she jumps and snarls, trying to grab my feet. I’m not even sure she knows what a daughter, or a mother is. To her, I am a possession.
I sniff back the tears. “Goodbye, Mom.”
I turn and fly upward to where Joe is scaling the spire. “Are you okay?”
