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“Why don’t you fly up and find a place for us to rest?” he smiles, but it’s tight.
And if there is nowhere to rest? And what if someone slips while I’m doing that? “I will in a bit, once I’ve checked in on everyone.”
I dart back and forth, making sure no one slips. I offer to fly them up, but they all refuse because climbing is part of the challenge.
Am I cheating by flying? But why grow wings if not to use them?
What happens if they vanish while I’m flying?
I glance down. The monsters at the base are no bigger than ants. When I look up, there are only clouds gliding through a dark sky.
21
Theo
Even though I have climbed before, I can’t remember how high I got. Maybe I have already gotten past my previous best. For the moment there are plenty of handholds for my talons, but I half expect them to dry up and for me to be left with nowhere to go.
I don’t look at the ground.
Instead, I keep thinking about the hot buttered bread, my one solid memory of being human. And what it felt like to be inside Julie. I think of my happy memories—there aren’t many—but I hold them close. I enjoyed watching Michael and Joe. I must have enjoyed being king of Under, and not having to fight all the time. Julie swoops down to where I am and grabs a hold of the rock.
“How are the wings?”
“Tired. How are you going?”
I pause for a moment to consider her words. “I’m actually good.” From here I can see far across Under. I’m not climbing to escape, or because I was forced to. I’m climbing because I want to. I’m heading home and whatever that looks like, I’m okay with. “Happy even.”
Whatever happens, I am done with being a monster. I understand Julie’s freedom.
I gasp as my back arches and my hands burn. This is not the time for a change, but it happens anyway. I hold on as best I can.
When my talons shrink and I lose my grip, Julie grabs my hand. Her mouth opens as she stares at me. Her wings create a breeze around me. I want to tell her to let me fall, but I can’t even speak.
Then I feel it, the skin on my back tearing as wings erupt. My skin changes from gray to brown.
“Oh, Theo…you’re beautiful.”
I don’t care if she’s just saying that, or if I am still a monster. My wings stretch and beat, and I have the strength to fly the rest of the way up. All I had to do was let go of fear and failure to be free.
I lift up and press a kiss to her lips. She is my disheveled angel.
“This is…” How do I express the wonder of this change? “I can leave.”
“You can.” She’s holding my hand, grinning.
I glance at the others who are climbing, and know that I can’t leave them. “They need to grow wings to leave.” That’s the only way out and that’s why I failed before.
“I thought it might be, and now you have wings.” She bites her lip. “How do we help them?”
“I don’t think we can. They need to feel free before they can be free.”
22
Joe
Idon’t recognize the man who flies up next to me until he grins, revealing teeth that are a little too sharp. “Theo?”
“Yes.” He glances up as though he wants to abandon me on the spire. I don’t blame him. His dark gaze settles back on me. “This isn’t going to be easy, but you need to be free of expectation. Stop hoping to get home, stop worrying about falling, or failing, or anything like that. Then hold on while you wings grow.”
