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No longer was there a light at the end of the tunnel; no longer could she see any way out. All was darkness and pain, and once more she felt as though she had swapped one cage for another. These chains were tighter, however, threatening to suffocate her with emotion and her heart threatened to break the moment she imagined the duke’s face when he learned all that she had lied to him about.
Please forgive me, Anthony!
Chapter 28
Life could not have been better. Everything finally appeared to be falling into place. Much of Anthony's debt was written off, his sisters were happy, and all was quiet. Even better than that, since they had first made love, he and his wife had been unable to keep their hands off each other.
On the first morning, though he had woken beside her, feeling quite elated, he had been concerned that she might not feel the same way. He had been too frightened to ask aloud, too concerned that after all that had happened, she might once again reject him. And yet she had offered no objections to sharing his bed every night in the three days since then.
Sitting at dinner that evening, he wished he did not have to offer the news that hung heavy in his chest. As if she sensed his discomfort, Lady Rose looked up from where she had been quietly eating her main course, and with a gentle smile on her face, she asked, "Your Grace, is something the matter?"
It was remarkable how well she had come to know him in the past few weeks, and although he liked it, he couldn't help feeling unnerved by it. After all, there were things he had to keep from her, things he could not share with anyone without putting her, himself, and his entire family at risk. He could only hope she did not know him well enough that she would know when he was lying.
"Everything is well, my love, though I am afraid I shall have to take my leave of you in the morning," he admitted, and out of the corner of his eye, he was certain he saw his wife's expression fall. Reaching out to pick up his wine glass and take a sip, he also took a moment to catch his breath. The mere thought of what he was about to say made him feel sick, let alone carrying out the action.
"I must travel to London for a day or so to see Mr Patterson."
"Would you not have me go with you?" Lady Rose asked, sounding almost hopeful. It warmed his heart to know that she had finally begun to thaw toward him, and though he longed to take her with him, he knew it would not be a good idea.
I could never put you in that kind of danger,he thought grimly, knowing that his continued work for the British Army must remain top secret if he were to keep his family safe. More than that, with her being French, he still wasn't entirely certain that he could trust her.I so desperately want to!
Anthony shook his head and sipped his wine once more before placing the glass back on the table and explaining, "I shall not be gone long enough for you to bother yourself with packing and travelling."
Lady Rose seemed to regard him closely for several moments before she sighed deeply and responded, "Very well, though I shall miss you, husband."
Her words warmed his heart, and Anthony knew he would carry them with him all the way to London. Smiling, he reached across from where he sat at the head of the table to place his hand on top of hers. He squeezed her hand gently and assured her, "I shall miss you also, my love, though I shall hurry back as soon as I am able."
Her smile was pleasant, suggesting that she liked his words greatly, and once more, he felt the urge to tell her the truth, to take her with him so that he did not have to spend even one night away from her.
How things have changed!he thought, though it was not an entirely grim thought as it had once been. Only a few months ago, he had been adamant that he would always be an army man, that he would continue to work his way up the ranks and support his sisters as best he could and now here he sat, a duke with a beautiful duchess, feeling the first blooms of love begin to flower in his chest.
It was an odd sensation and yet now that he had felt it, he never wished to give it up.
"You will travel safely, won't you, Your Grace?" Lady Rose asked after several moments, looking as though she had debated whether to ask the question at all.
"Of course, I shall," he promised, though his gut churned as he said the words, unable to stop himself from feeling that he was lying. He could not say for sure whether he would be entirely safe on his travels. The meetings he had to make, the people he had to meet, nothing was certain. Feeling her watching him with scrutiny, he added, "I shall always do my best to come home safe to you."
It was then that Lady Rose twisted her hand in his grip, and he was surprised that she squeezed his fingers in return. Over the last few days, their affection had flourished tenfold, and it still amazed Anthony, especially when he saw it gleaming in her beautiful eyes.
"And I shall do my best always to be here when you return," she responded, though Anthony couldn't help hearing a slightly sad tone to her voice as if she knew something was wrong yet did not want to admit it.
She has already said it,he told himself, unwilling to grow suspicious and uncomfortable when things were finally beginning to go well,she is merely going to miss me. And I, her.
That night, they made love again and again the next morning. Though the night before their lovemaking was slow and sensual, and it was quick yet passionate in the morning, Anthony felt that both times were more than satisfactory. In fact, he had never been so pleased, so utterly sated, and when he finally removed himself from his bed that morning, he could barely bring himself to do so.
"I must go," he whispered to Lady Rose as she lay half-dazed in the bed beside him, a happy and sated smile turning up the corners of her lips. The moment he spoke, slipping out from beneath her where she had been laid upon his chest, her expression fell, and she leaned herself up on her elbow to look at him.
"Are you certain you do not wish me to come with you?" she asked him. Anthony wasn't sure that she had ever looked more beautiful than she did at that moment with her hair all a tumble over her shoulder, her creamy skin flawlessly gleaming with sweat in the dawn light that filtered through a crack in the drapes, her eyes heavy-lidded as if she could barely keep them open.
"No, my love," he sighed, though in truth, he would have liked nothing more than to sit in a carriage beside her, take her all the way to London with him just so that she might continue to warm his bed and share his meals with him. "Stay abed and rest. You have earned it."
Leaning over the bed, he pressed his lips firmly against her forehead and breathed in the smell of her lavender-scented hair before he began to wash in the cool water in the basin on the bedside table. She did not protest and dropped back down onto the mountain of pillows with a deep sigh.
Anthony had to fight the urge to climb back beneath the sheets with her. His manhood was still throbbing after their last bout of lovemaking, his insides still reeling from the pleasure he had experienced, and yet he would have loved to have done it all over again. It was only the knocking upon the bedroom door that stopped him.
Hearing Lady Rose gasp as she so often did when someone arrived at the door in the morning, Anthony smiled and assured her, "Go back to sleep, sweetheart. Nobody shall disturb you."
With that he pulled on his breeches and headed towards the door, tugging on his undershirt as went. Pulling open the door just enough to see through, he found Mr Cartwright awaiting him on the other side.
