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“I know. I know.” Charlie squeezed his knee. “It’s not easy. And being this far away….”
Rafe felt his throat tightening. He gulped in air, but it didn’t seem to help. Right now, he wanted to have a breakdown and just scream, but that would bring everyone running. Then he would be ridiculed for breaking down in such a manner. No man showed feelings like that. It just showed they were weak.
At this moment in time, Rafe was almost past the point of caring. His mother had died, and he would never be able to see her again.
Now his father was sick, and he wanted him to come home. Rafe didn’t know what to think. The thought of going home left him with mixed feelings. It just left him with memories so painful that he was left in tears.
He had no idea what he wanted to do.
“Do you mind if…if I can have a few…a few minutes?” he asked. “I…I need….”
“Of course. Take all the time that you need.” Charlie patted his thigh and stood up, leaving the letter on the bench. “And whatever you decide to do, I’m right there with you. Whatever you need.”
Rafe couldn't respond. He simply nodded, staring at the floor. After a moment’s hesitation, Charlie walked away, his footsteps fading as he left. That was when Rafe slid off the bench, curling into a ball as he hugged his legs. He rested his head on his knees, and he just broke. He couldn’t hold it back anymore.
After all this, and the result was his mother dying when he was across the ocean? Rafe would give anything to go back to that day and make it right.
And now he couldn’t. He could never get it back.
Chapter 3
Victoria spent the night seething. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. Her parents had to be out of their minds to even agree to this. Why would they think it was a good idea?
They had taken a leave of their senses.
She had spent the rest of the evening in her bedchamber. Once she had recovered enough from the shock, Victoria had run away and locked herself away, refusing to come out for dinner. She couldn’t even bring herself to eat the food that was sent up to her by her mother, so it was just left outside of her room.
The night was awful. Victoria went between crying or throwing up into the washbowl. The idea that she was to be married into that family was just nauseating.
Whatever Blackmore had said must have been convincing for them to agree to this at all. That family had been adamant that Rafe hadn’t killed Richard and that there had to be an explanation for what happened that didn’t involve Rafe. Victoria scoffed at that. The two of them had fought over a woman, and Rafe had killed Richard to get the woman for himself.
Although why they would fight over Katherine Romaine, Victoria had no idea. Katherine was a mean, petty person, and she was very good at hiding it. Around the gentlemen, she was as sweet as anything. She could wrap them around her little finger and not care about the repercussions. In Victoria’s opinion, it was no surprise that she had managed to seduce so many men at the same time.
Around the ladies, however, she was a vicious, vindictive brat. Victoria had not had much contact with her out in society, be it in London or York—she had only been sixteen at the time—but whenever she was in the house, Katherine had not been very nice to her. The fact she had led two men along was no surprise, and Victoria wished that Richard had not fallen for the woman’s antics.
She was as much to blame as Rafe. Because of her, they had fallen out, and Richard was dead. But Katherine would not take responsibility for what she did. She simply carried on with her life, not caring that two men who loved her had their lives ruined. From what Victoria knew, she had moved to York to get married, and she had children.
While she was just as guilty as Rafe, Victoria still directed most of her anger at Rafe. He had been the one to pull the trigger, and he had attacked Richard before. And the way he paid for it was to be sent to America. He wouldn’t stand trial for his crime. He wouldn’t be hanged or sent to the penal colonies.
They had just shipped him off. And Victoria couldn’t forgive anyone for that.
The knock-on effect had reached everyone in the family. Their friends had kept their distance even when they needed support, and Victoria hadn’t had a coming out. By the time she was of age and should be entering society, she just couldn’t.
The few times she was around company, Victoria was aware of people openly staring at her, whispering about her and making it feel like she had committed a crime. So when it came to when she should have been introduced for her first Season, Victoria had refused. She simply couldn’t do it, not with the whispers and talk about Richard’s murder.
Sure, she had a few good friends, and they hadn’t deserted her when Victoria had needed them. But they wouldn’t be enough. It didn’t stop people from having an opinion of her before they had even met her. It didn’t stop the looks, the rumours.
She wasn’t going to deal with something that wasn’t her fault.
Rafe Mowbray had ruined her life. Victoria was never going to forgive him for that.
Somehow, she managed to get some sleep, and she awoke to hear someone knocking at the door moments after trying the handle. Victoria groaned and rolled over, hoping that whoever it was would go away. Then the knocking happened again.
“Lady Victoria? Are you awake?”
It was Abigail. Victoria was almost tempted to tell her maid to go away. But she needed someone to talk to, someone who would let her scream and not judge her for doing it. Abigail was always doing that for her, ever since she came into their service three years ago.
Slipping out of bed, Victoria went over to the door and unlocked it, slowly pulling it open. Abigail stepped in, waiting until her mistress had closed the door and relocked it. Her eyes searched Victoria’s face.
