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I laugh. “Not over here. It’s last night, still.”
Ava pulls a face and I laugh again.
“What are you two getting up to today?” I ask.
“Auntie Maria is taking me to the zoo! I want to see a baboon. And an elephant. Are there elephants where you are?”
“Only in zoos,” I say. “I wish I could come with you!”
“How long are you going to be away?”
“A few more sleeps, my honey. But I’ll be back before you know it. You’re having so much fun, time will fly.”
“When you get back, can we all go to the zoo together?”
“You bet,” I say. “Have a great day, okay? And ask Auntie Maria to take photos at the zoo. I want to see what you see.”
She promises she will before she gives the phone back to my aunt and bounds away.
“She looks happy,” I say.
“She is. Nothing to worry about, like I said. Are you ready for your big week?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I say.
“You’ve got this.”
“I hope so.”
“Raven, Raven, Raven,” Maria tuts. “It’s time to start believing in yourself. Your life until now is nothing but victories.”
She’s right. Sometimes, when I’m in a bad place, I spiral and I think about how everything is different than I would have wanted it. But Maria reminds me to look at the bright side. I have a wonderful daughter, even if she wasn’t planned. My fashion business took off, even though I moved to a different country. I’m a candidate at the New York Fashion week, even though I thought my life would fall apart when nothing worked out the way I’d dreamed when I was a child.
There is so much to be grateful for.
“Go to sleep, darling,” Maria says. “Tomorrow is a big day.”
I say my goodbyes and we end the call. I lay in the bed for a while longer, thinking about my little girl and the life I wish she had. I’d always dreamed of the perfect family—a husband, a handful of kids, a dog. Two incomes, Christmas around a tree. Nothing worked out that way, and there are days I beat myself up about the life Avadoesn’thave.
Noah pops into my mind, and I feel a pang in my chest. What would our lives have been like if he’d taken my calls all those years ago? Where would we be now?
I push the thoughts away because it doesn’t matter.
Ava doesn’t know that life, the one I had in my head for so long. All she knows is the life she has now. The life I’m giving her. And as far as raising a kid alone goes, I think I’m doing okay.
Who needs a man to make a family? Ava and I are a family. And Maria, too.
Who needs a husband to build a successful life? I have my company and I’m here, halfway across the globe, making a name for myself.
Maria is right when she tells me again and again my life is nothing but victories.
I dress into pajamas, fall into bed, and before my head hits the pillow, I’m asleep.
When my alarm goes off, it feels like I’ve barely slept at all. I drag myself out of bed, through the shower, and get ready for a long day on my feet.
When I arrive at Spring Studios, I’m taken to the dressing rooms. It’s chaos—models everywhere are in different stages of getting ready. They’ve created a production line of hairstylists and makeup artists, followed by makeshift change rooms that are barely closed where the models wriggle into the clothing they’ve been given. The music booms as technicians do sound checks.
I find Michelle nibbling on a granola bar.
