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“Why not?”
“We talked about his. He’s not a part of our lives anymore; it’s just the two of us, now.”
“But I like spending time with him.”
I hesitate and look up at the sign to see what I’m ordering. When we get to the front, I order us two hot chocolates with extra cream.
“Do you remember what it was like when he lived with us?” I ask. “Do you remember how angry he used to get?”
“And throw stuff,” Ava says gravely.
“Right. Well, people don’t change something like that. And it was scary when he got that angry. I don’t like it when we’re scared.”
“But he’s not angry when we’re in the park. We should do that more, then. The park makes him happy.”
“Hmm,” I say.
We walk out of the bistro and sit at a table in the sun. Despite the low temperatures, the sun is warm, and it’s so good to breathe fresh air.
I don’t know how to explain to Ava that we’re not going to see Jean-Pierre anymore. I’m upset he wriggled his way into her life while I was gone. It was a powerplay, using her to get to me because he knows it’s harder for me to explain these things to her. But he’s wrong if he thinks he can manipulate me that way.
Besides, even if I did want to consider something with him again…I don’t think I can. I ache for Noah. When I think about him, a stabbing pain shoots into my chest, and I feel like crying. It’s going to take a while for the pain of losing him to go away. But I don’t think I could find someone like him again. Not someone I feel the same way about.
I look at Ava as she holds her cup between her hands on the table and sips hot chocolate from the lip of it. Her blonde hair is like spun gold in the sun, her lashes are long, and when she looks up at me, it’s Noah to a tee, glancing at me to know what I’m thinking.
“Why aren’t you drinking your hot chocolate?” Ava asks.
“It’s too hot,” I say.
“Blow on it,” Ava suggests, and I do it, although I feel sick to my stomach and I don’t feel like drinking or eating anything at all.
Is this was being lovesick feels like? Because I think I’m coming down with something, and I don’t know how to deal with my broken heart.
Chapter 26
Noah
When I get home after training, I’m dripping with sweat. I feel like I’m burning up despite the cold outside. I dump my bag at the door—I’ll send my sweaty clothes out to laundry later—and walk to the fridge to find a bottle of water. While I down the water, I start preparing a post-workout shake.
My phone rings and I don’t recognize the number.
“Is this Noah Spencer?” a female voice asks.
“Yeah, who’s this?”
“My name is Michelle. I’m Raven’s friend.”
I still. “Yeah?” It’s been almost a month since Raven left. I’ve been trying to forget about her. It hasn’t worked, but fuck, I’m doing the best I can.
“Can I meet you for coffee? I want to talk to you about Raven.”
I hesitate. “I don’t know what you can possibly say to me about her. It’s over between us. Has been for a while now.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I want to talk to you.”
I don’t understand what this woman could want from me. I say as much, but she keeps asking, telling me it’s important, until I finally give in. I agree to meet her at the Starbucks down the road from me in two hours.
When she walks in and sits down, she blows into her hands. Her cheeks and nose are a bright pink with the cold despite the warm coat and scarf she has wrapped around her. She unbuttons her coat in the warmth of the shop. The weather has been letting up, but it’s not there yet—it’s like the cold insists on sticking around.
