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“I have a few ideas for the rest of the week, too. I did a bit of research and found a list of bars and restaurants everyone raves about for us to enjoy.
I laugh and shake my head. “Did you add resting and sleeping onto your itinerary?”
“What are you talking about? We can sleep when we get back.” She grins. “While we’re here, we’re making the most of it.”
I nod and a server comes to the table. Michelle orders a bottle of wine and a platter of savory food. I’m starving.
When the server arrives with our wine, I sip the dark liquid and let out a sigh.
“This is perfect.”
Michelle grins at me and looks around, taking in the ambiance. I love coming to fancy events like this—I’m always looking for new ideas for my next collection, and the creativity of the models and designers here tonight is through the roof.
“How is JP doing?” Michelle asks, snapping me back to a reality I was hoping I could forget.
I slide my gaze to her and purse my lips. “I don’t know, and I prefer it that way.”
“So, no contact at all, then?” Michelle asks.
I shake my head. “It’s not good for Ava, and it’s not good for me. Being with him…” I sigh. “It was a mistake.”
I take a bigger sip of wine. Thinking about Jean-Pierre leaves a bad taste in my mouth. We met when Ava was two, and for two years, I tried to make it work. It didn’t work out. JP and I aren’t the same kind of people. “You can’t say that,” Michelle says. “At one point, it’s exactly what you wanted. Right?”
“I know you always say that about regret,” I say. “But this is different. You know how some people say you love theideaof someone rather than the person themselves? I think it’s like that. I liked the idea of giving Ava the family I’ve always wanted her to have.” I sip more wine and glance through the doors where a pianist started to play love ballads to replace the music that stopped playing in the bar area. “I learned at some point down the line thatmyhappiness is just as important as giving Ava what she needs.”
“That’s so good to hear, Ray,” Michelle says. “I know it’s not easy, but you’ve come such a long way.”
I nod. She’s right; I’ve come a long, long way. I blamed myself for so much, and I lived a lot of Ava’s first years in a state of perpetual guilt. When I was at home with her, I felt guilty that I wasn’t working. When I was working, I felt guilty I wasn’t at home with her. I couldn’t be both parents, and I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, that I couldn’t do anything other than let myself down.
I’ve eased up a lot since then. A lot of it had to do with Jean-Pierre and what he expected of me, too. He never stated it outright, but it was in the little comments, the jabs he threw in.
By the time I realized it wasn’t good for Ava or me to have him around, I’d grown strong enough to tell him to leave.
It hadn’t been that simple. By then, he’d imagined himself to be in a forever deal.
But we all win some and lose some, and he had to come to terms with the fact that I wanted him gone. I didn’t care that he’d grown attached to us. It wasn’t working, and I deserved to save myself just as much as it was my job to look after my daughter.
“So, just doing your own thing for now, huh?” Michelle asked. “You’re not looking?”
“I have no reason to look,” I say. “I’ll admit, I miss having someone. But I can survive without. Besides, the business is doing so well, I don’t want a distraction.”
When I say that, my mind immediately jumps to Noah. Every now and then, I catch myself thinking about him for no good reason at all. It will never work with him. Our one-night stand last week was amazing. But that’s where it stays. I told him I’m leaving again, and I won’t look him up. I wouldn’t know where to find him, anyway.
I’ve stopped myself twice, wanting to look for him on social media.
“What is it?” Michelle asks.
“What?”
“Something is on your mind.”
I roll my eyes. Sometimes, it’s frustrating that Michelle knows me so well. She can tell when I’m not okay, when I’m thinking about something, when I’m stressed, when I feel like I’m falling apart. And she pushes and pushes until she knows what’s going on.
Sometimes, it irritates me.
“There is a guy,” I say.
Michelle looks fittingly surprised. “Why don’t I know about this? Who is it? Do I know him?”
