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“It’s not that I don’t want to be with him,” I wail. “I mean, I think I’m in love with him. Mason.”
“I like the name,” Sam says. “It sounds powerful.”
I nod. “He is.” I sob a bit more. “But I can’t do this. We barely know each other, and he has so much going on in his life. To stick him with a baby this way…it feels wrong.”
“It takes two people to make a baby, Nat,” Sam says. “He can’t expect you to do it all alone. What does he have to say for himself?”
“He doesn’t know,” I admit.
Sam widens his eyes. “Why not?”
“Because I’m terrified of his reaction.”
Sam looks angry. “If he can’t man up and take responsibility for his actions, he’ll have me to deal with.”
I shake my head. “It’s not that. It’s…David.” Only when I say it do I realize what’s really getting to me. “What will he say about all this? Not only am I moving on, falling in love with another man, but a child? Someone else’s baby…” I cry harder.
Sam moves his hand to my shoulder and squeezes before he strokes my arm.
“You keep talking about David like he’s still here. Whatwillhe say?Anotherman’s baby. David is gone, Nat. I know it fucking hurts to admit to it, but he’s not here anymore, and you can’t live your life like he is. If you keep waiting for him to walk through that door, you’re never going to get around to living again.”
I know he’s right. I snivel and cry and Sam gets up to fetch me a tissue.
“I can’t do this,” I admit when Sam comes back. I blow my nose loudly and attempt to mop up my tears, but they won’t stop coming. “I can’t put him through this when he’s already got so much going on. His mom’s dying, for God’s sake. His dad hates him and only needs him for money. And what do I have to add to the equation? A baby.”
“Do you love him?” Sam asks.
I blink at Sam through my tears. Slowly, I nod.
“That’s half the problem. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to move on.”
“It’s hard, honey, I won’t lie to you but you have to try. If you love this guy, and he loves you too, that’s enough. Love is enough. Haven’t you heard; love conquers all?”
I nod. “I never understood that.”
“Hmm. Yeah, it’s a weird concept. But it’s true. If you really care about someone, you make it work, no matter what. Because something like real love doesn’t just come along every day.”
He’s right about that. What I feel for Mason is serious. I never thought I could feel this way again.
“What about David?” I ask in a whisper.
“What about him? Honey, my brother would want you to be happy. He wouldn’t want you to hold on forever. You know what he was like—he left the past behind and moved forward. Always. Hell, it was because of him I was going to do this event five years ago. When he died, I didn’t have the guts, but it was his idea. And that’s half the reason I’m doing it, now. For him. And for me.” Sam puts his fingers under my chin and tilts my head up to look at him. “If you’re serious about this man, you should make it work with him. David isn’t going to be upset with you. The only person holding you back is you.”
I realize with a shock he’s right. I’m the only person standing in my way. David is gone. He’s been gone for a long time. I won’t ever stop loving him. But if I keep waiting for him to come back, I’ll lose what could be with Mason.
“What about the baby?” I ask.
“Tell him. If he cares at all about you, he’ll want to make this work, too,” Sam says. “He sounds like a great guy.”
“I haven’t told you anything about him.”
“But you’re in love with him, and I know you have good taste in men.” He grins at me when I laugh through my tears.
“Do you think it will be okay?”
Sam pulls me closer and I lean against him while he rubs my back.
“I think it will be okay. You just need to talk to him, so you two can be a team. Then, it doesn’t matter what comes your way. You’re going to face it together.”
