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Jackson laughs. “Fuck you, man. But yeah. I can be a hell of a guy. And I don’t mean that in a good way.” He shrugs. “But isn’t that the point of dating? Finding someone who’ll accept all the shit you come with?”
“That’s very wise for someone who doesn’t give a shit about love.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jackson says, waving me off. “But it’s true. I may not want to settle down, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know shit about love. Because I do. There’s a reason I don’t love. You get two kinds of people in life,” he holds up his hand and counts off with his fingers. “The kind that don’t give a shit because they don’t know enough, and then the kind that don’t give a shit because they know too much.”
“Deep,” I say and drain my bottle, waving for another.
I don’t ask him what the reason is he’s in such a weird space about love. I don’t have the energy for that right now. One day, the roles will reverse and I’ll be the philosophical best friend who picks him up again.
I sigh. “However it works, it’s over. The whole thing is just a fuck up.”
“Maybe not the whole thing,” Jackson says.
“I acted like a psycho.” There’s no point sugarcoating it. “I accused her of cheating. Twice.”
“So, you have issues.”
I laugh. “Yeah.”
“I think you should fight for her.”
I shake my head. Under any other circumstance, I would take Jackson’s advice when it’s this out of the norm. But it’s better this way. Isn’t that what she said, too?
For something that’s supposed to bebetter,this hurts a metric fuck ton. But I’ll get over it eventually.
“How’s the restaurant going?” Jackson says, and I’m glad he’s changing topics.
“Well,” I say. “I’m planning the opening soon. No point in waiting.” Throwing myself into the business to distract myself means it’s all coming together a lot quicker than I planned at first. “That decorator really knows what he’s doing. The place is starting to look great.”
“Are you doing a soft opening?”
I shake my head. “My mom’s still waiting for new lungs. She won’t be able to make it.” My stomach rolls. I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to make it. I hope to God they find lungs for her, but the more time that passes, and she’s not getting any better, the more I worry that she’ll never get there.
I have to come to terms with the fact that I might lose her.
“Well, you just tell me when the opening is and I’m there,” Jackson says. “And I’ll pay full price, too. You don’t have to give me a discount because I’m your best buddy.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Noble of you.”
We sip our beer in silence for a while.
“You really love this woman, don’t you?” Jackson asks.
I look up at him. I haven’t called it love.Inlove, maybe. I want to correct him, but I realize he’s right. I love her.
“Yeah,” I finally say.
“It has to be love if you’re willing to take on another man’s child and walk into a family that isn’t yours.”
“She’s different than anyone I’ve ever met. When I’m with her, everything makes sense and I feel like I can do this. I’ve been stuck for so long, spinning in one place. I mean, I have dreams and I know what I want. But with her, it feels like it’s all worth it.”
“I don’t know why you’re not fighting for her,” Jackson says.
I shrug. “Like you said, it’s not that simple.”
He nods.
I wish we could make it work. I wish we could figure it out and be together. I wish she could meet my mom.
