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“I don’t know how much you know about me,” I start. “But I don’t date.”
“I do know that,” she says.
“Yeah?” I grin at her.
“I looked you up,” she says, and I’m sure that if there was enough light, I would have seen her blush.
Knowing that she wanted to know that much about me is a thrill.
“Well, there’s a reason for that. And it’s not just because I haven’t met the right person yet. That’s a part of it, I guess…” Would I have felt this way if itwasn’tthe right person? “It’s my past. I’m terrified of what it means.”
“Tell me,” she says, and I hear the smile in her voice when she mimics the words I spoke yesterday. “Tell me about your past.”
I chuckle. She’s sharp. Her intellect is a turn-on in itself. It’s almost unfair that she’s so fucking beautiful, to boot.
She’s the whole package.
Which is why I want to tell her.
“My dad beat my mom,” I say.
The words come so much easier than I thought they would.
“Oh, Blake,” Rachel says softly, and I hear the pain in her voice on my behalf.
“He used to beat me too until I got big and strong enough to stand up to him. But he didn’t lay off her, and when she wouldn’t leave… long story short, I got out and lived my own life.”
“I’m glad you got out,” she says softly.
I nod. “Me too. But just because I got out doesn’t mean I got away.”
“Do you still see your dad?”
I shake my head. “He passed away.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not,” I admit, and putting it into words makes me realize how I feel. “In a way, I’m relieved. In a way, I have so many regrets, but I don’t know what they are.”
Rachel doesn’t answer; she lets the silence stretch thin so I can fill it. And I do.
“My dad is gone. He can’t hurt anyone anymore. But that doesn’t mean it ends there, you know?”
“I don’t,” Rachel says. “Why wouldn’t it end there?”
“I’m terrified I’m just like him.”
“An abuser?” She sounds confused.
I nod, finally admitting out loud what’s been bugging me for decades.
“I can’t be like him. I can’t be the guy who ruins everything. And when I’m with you… you have no idea what you’ve come to mean to me in such a short time. But what if…” I can’t finish my sentence. My voice catches in my throat and I’m in danger of showing way too much emotion.
I’m Blake fucking Ford. I don’t show this much emotion. I’m never this honest about my past.
But this isn’t just anyone. It’s Rachel. And a part of me feels like she’ll get it. She’ll understand me when no one else ever will.
“What makes you think you’ll be like him?” Rachel asks softly.
