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“Do you understand?” He rakes his fingers through his messy brown hair. It curls around his fingers and sticks up at the back from sleeping on it. “No more pretending—”
“Yup,” I push out in a rush with wide eyes. My heart hammers as I shoot to my feet. I need to move or the anxious energy buzzing through me will suffocate me until I explode. “Of course. That makes total sense to stop pretending. I think everyone’s used to seeing the guy you want to be now. The perfect boyfriend—for real this time, not as someone’s beefy meat man.”
His brows furrow. “Meat ma—never mind. What are you saying?”
I whip around to face him from the other end of the hotel room. He leans against the dresser, gaze locked on me. “I’m saying I get it. We’re done with being SBC’s it couple. It frees you up to meet the right person. It’s about time I graduate with honors from the Sexy Social School of Vale, isn’t it?”
He huffs out a laugh that doesn’t seem that amused, swiping his fingers over his mouth. “That’s what you want?”
“Well, I think we can say we’ve soundly achieved my goals we set out to crush at the beginning of the summer.” My teeth scrape my lip too hard. “I definitely didn’t enter my freshman year at South Bay College as a virgin. You helped me relax enough to feel comfortable at parties. Honestly, you’ve helped me feel comfortable in my own skin. I can’t thank you enough for that.”
His stiff expression softens and he closes the distance between us. I swallow when he grazes my cheek with his knuckles. “You were always capable of finding this girl on your own, T. It’s who you’ve always been. You didn’t need me.”
His attention dips to my mouth and an ache of want burns in my chest. If we could kiss one last time. One for the road.
“No more lying to our friends,” I whisper. “That’ll be a huge relief.”
“Yeah.” His voice is edged with roughness and he tears his gaze away. “No more lying. Sorry, I didn’t realize that was weighing on you.”
“A little bit. I know they all believed us.” I shrug. “Still, I don’t like lying to people. It doesn’t feel good to be lied to, so I don’t want to do that to others.”
“Right.” He frowns. “So, just to be clear, you want to stop this?”
I nod. “This is the right call for both of us.”
“Okay.” He doesn’t sound too relieved, even though he brought this up.
“We’ll still be friends, right?” The hope in my voice is difficult to hide. “Just because we’re fake breaking up doesn’t mean you stop being my neighbor or Jackson’s best friend.”
His shoulders sag. After a beat, he nods. “Yeah. Friends. Of course, Tate. I’m always going to be here for you.”
I exhale in relief. “Good. Same. If you need help studying, hit me up. We work well together.”
“Yeah.” He ducks his head and clears his throat, falling back a step to put some distance between us again. “We should head out. Ready? We can grab breakfast on the way.”
“Yes.” I move past him to pack up my stuff. “You’re right. It’s a long drive. It’s better if we get going now.”
Cooper doesn’t move for a few minutes while I duck into the bathroom to get my toothbrush. When I come back out his expression is far away. He sighs again before he finally grabs his things.
* * *
The four hour drive back to South Bay is agonizingly awkward. Things have never been like that between us. It’s going to take me a minute to find a new normal where I’m not touching him all the time. My heart pangs. I already miss the way he always tucked a hand between my thighs. He hasn’t touched me once between L.A. and South Bay.
On the way back, I text Simone and Jenny to meet me at my dorm. Simone lets me know they’re there as Cooper pulls into the student lot on campus.
“Want me to walk you back to your dorm?” He stares ahead, drumming his fingers on the wheel. “I can carry your bag.”
I’m tired of pretending with you.
His words won’t leave my mind. I can’t endure the ten minute walk across campus while he’s like this.
“No, I’m good.”
“Thanks for—” He grips the wheel, knuckles turning white. “For the concert tickets. I had a good time.”
“Me too.” My attention darts between the clench of his jaw and his hand. He’s usually so relaxed, but something is bothering him. “You good? You can tell me. We’re pretty skilled at keeping each other’s secrets.”
My laugh sounds clumsy and forced.
