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Twenty
Addison
My head rests against the pillow as tears silently stream down my cheeks.
A painful tightness inside my throat makes it difficult to breathe, but what’s the point of breathing air to survive.
I’m left without two people I love.
The moment I saw Cruz tonight, I knew it would be awkward between us. I was just hoping we’d be able to talk in private. Being away for a few days gave me time to think and calm down. The truth is—I don’t want to give up on our friendship over one mistake, or albeit—poor judgment from him.
We’d spent a lifetime building a friendship other people envied. Our time together is a part of who I am. This isn’t the type of friendship you can toss to the side and ghost.
But, I also can’t give him what he wants.
I’m in love with Masen.
And my bleeding heart is singing the saddest of tunes while crying a river of tears over a man who hurt my best friend.
I didn’t stay a single minute longer, escaping the scene because the sobs inside my chest were raw and ready to burst out into the open for everyone to see. My parents’ penthouse was too far to walk, so I cabbed it for what felt like the longest ten minutes of my life. It didn’t help that the music playing on the radio was “Yellow” by Coldplay.
One of my favorite songs.
As I sat there, memorizing each lyric in my head—the song took a whole other meaning. It hurt, all over, each lyric, and every beat. I begged myself not to cry, holding it in until the door to my parents’ place closed behind me.
The loneliness inside this big room is loud and brutal. But then, I hear the quiet footsteps I’ve known my whole life. The bed moves from my sisters lying on each side of me.
Holding back my tears is challenging as I now lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. My nose, which was running, is now clogging up and making it hard to breathe.
“It hurts,” Millie whispers, holding onto my hand. “Love is so powerful that when you finally find it, its absence leaves the darkest hole inside your heart.”
“What did I do wrong?”
“Addy, we all make mistakes. But sometimes those mistakes lead to bigger things, you know.”
“Ava is right. If Will didn’t come to the Hamptons, I would never have screwed him against Dad’s car and betrayed Austin. That moment defined us.”
“And if that moment didn’t happen, I would never have slept with Austin after a drunk New Years’ Eve, and there would be no Emmy or River.”
We lay in silence while I think about fate and my sisters. I’m nothing like them, coming to the realization that they’re screwed up despite where they ended up. The thought makes my tears stop, wondering why I’ve never truly figured this out until now.
“The both of you are messed up,” I tell them honestly. “How am I even related to you?”
“Well,” Ava begins with. “Once upon a time, Daddy shot his load into Mommy, who said she was on birth control but forgot to take it. The end.”
The three of us laugh together, a small moment which feels nice. Our laughter follows with a long-united sigh which, in turn, makes us laugh again.
“According to Alexa, the way you were doing it in the cellar will not get you knocked up again,” Millie snickers.
“Hang on. How much did she watch?” Ava groans.
“Enough to know you don’t get pregnant catching the chocolate train,” Millie teases.
I manage another smile. “Oh, Eric …”
“Look, I enjoy it, okay? Don’t judge me.”
Millie shrugs. “Will enjoys it when my breasts accidentally leak when I’m riding him.”
