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She’s happy. Even from behind, I can see she’s practically glowing. It should make me happy, too. But the moment I see her like that, suddenly all I can think about is the fact that she deserves more than I can give her.
She’s young and vibrant. She has her whole life ahead of her. There’s so much she must want that I can’t give to her. Marriage, kids, all of that…
Fuck.
I shouldn’t have slept with her. It was wrong of me to let it happen. But I hadn’t been thinking last night. I’d just been consumed by her. I foolishly allowed myself to be distracted by my own desires instead of thinking about hers.
Victoria finally notices me and greets me with a huge, warm smile that makes my heart feel pained and heavy. I force myself to smile back.
“Hey, big guy,” she says sweetly. “I normally don’t get up this early, but since I woke up, I figured I’d make the most of it.”
“Couldn’t sleep with that big ogre in your bed, huh?” I ask, sliding onto one of the stools at her kitchen bar. I’m trying to be lighthearted, but it comes out sounding a little stilted, and Victoria cocks her head at me.
“You doing okay?” she asks. “How’s your arm?”
“It’s fine. No pain,” I say.
“Good. Here, eat,” she says, making up a plate for me and setting it in front of me. On the plate are two runny-yolked eggs, buttered toast, bacon, and half a grapefruit. “How do you take your coffee?”
“Black. Two sugars.”
“Black, two sugars,” she repeats. “I’ll remember that.”
I know I have to get out of here. But it would be too hurtful to leave without at least eating the breakfast she’s made me. So I dig in, trying not to eat too fast and tip her off that I’m getting ready to bolt.
Besides, a part of me feels desperate to let the moment linger, knowing it will be the last time I get to be with her like this.
As we eat, Victoria chats amiably, telling me about her neighbors in the building. I try my hardest to listen to her as she tells me about her neighbor Ida, an elderly woman who’s like a grandmother to her.
“She’s wanted to see me ‘loved up,’ as she puts it, basically since we met,” Victoria says with a laugh. “I can’t wait to introduce you. I mean, only if you’re comfortable with that, of course. There’s no rush.”
Every laugh, every light tease, everything about her that has made her so magnetic to me these last several weeks, now feels like a stab in the heart.
“Thanks for breakfast,” I say when I’ve finally cleaned my plate. “Sorry to run off, but I have some work stuff I need to take care of this morning.”
Victoria nods. “No, that’s okay. Let me walk you to the door.”
Before I leave, she tells me to hold on a second, then steps into her living room to grab something. When she comes back, she holds out a book. It’s the one we were talking about over dinner last night.
“Just in case you actuallywereinterested in the book,” she says with a grin, then rocks up onto her toes and kisses me.
When I leave, I’ve got the book in hand and my heart in my stomach.
I waituntil she’s at work to call her, knowing she won’t answer her cell phone when she’s busy with her clients. Once I’ve left the voicemail, I hang up, drive back to her place, and leave the book she lent me on the doormat in front of her apartment.
I know the voicemail I left will hurt her. I know she’ll probably hate me. She’ll have every goddamn right to feel that way.
Someday, though, she’ll understand why I had to do this.
She’ll be happier this way.
Chapter Eight
Victoria
My day at work flies by. Everyone seems happier, more pleasant, more cooperative than usual. I know that can’t actually be the case—it’s obviouslymewho’s more bright and chipper than usual, but still.
I’ve been in good moods before. I’ve had great days before. But this…this is like nothing else. This is a falling-in-love-for-the-first-time kind of feeling.
