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AmI falling in love?
God. I think I might be.
“Any fun plans for tonight?” asks Rhonda as we’re both getting ready to head home for the day. There’s a special twinkle in her eye that tells me she’s noticed how I’ve been today.
“To be determined,” I say with a grin. “See you later, Rhonda. Have a good evening.”
Rhonda laughs. “You, too, hon.”
I check my cell phone as I’m leaving the clinic, and that’s when I see the missed call and voicemail from Ethan. My chest instantly warms from just seeing his name on my phone. I press the button to listen to his message as I’m walking up to my car, a smile already on my face.
“Hi Victoria,” Ethan says. Something about the way he says my name makes my smile slip. “Listen, I had such an incredible time with you last night. I really did. Please don’t think for a minute that this is about that. Or even about you at all. This is about me, and how I’m not the right man for you. We’re simply at different stages in life. I’ve lived mine already. I’ve got a full-grown kid, a failed marriage…you deserve someone with more energy. Someone who has the same lust for life that you have. Fuck. I’m so sorry. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. You don’t know how hard it is for me to do this. But I have to, because you deserve more than I can give you. Goodbye, Victoria. You’ll always have a place in my heart.”
I’m in a state of shock by the time his message ends. I’m angry, too. He’s seriously dumping me? After all that waiting, after that perfect night together, he’sdumping me?
And all because…what did he say? He can’t give me everything I deserve?
Shaking, I put my keys into the ignition and start the car. Ethan’s words revolve in my head as I drive home. I’m so confused. I didn’t think he was like this. I thought he was a good guy, not one of the jerks. But I guess I was wrong.
I’m still replaying his message in my head when I reach my apartment. And then I see the book. It’s lying on my welcome mat. He must have driven all the way back here after I left for work so that I wouldn’t have to ask for it back after he dumped me. It’s such a small gesture, but for some reason I feel profoundly moved by it.
And even angrier than I felt before.
Screw this. I’m not going to let him let go of me so easily. I’m not going to let him give up on us. Turning on my heels, I head straight back to my car and start it up again. I haven’t driven out to Ethan’s place since that day he missed his appointment, but somehow the route is marked permanently in my memory.
When I get there, I don’t waste any time. I storm straight up to his door and pound it in anger. He must see my car out his window, because he doesn’t answer. But I’m not going to make this easy for him. I keep knocking. And knocking.
Finally, he opens up.
He’s looking pretty seriously the worse for wear, and I can tell he’s been wallowing all day.
“You got my message,” he says.
“Yes,” I say. “I got your stupid message. You’re wrong, you know. You think you know what’s best for me, but you’re wrong.”
“Victoria—”
“No. Let me finish. What’s best for me is to be with you.”
He looks pained as he shakes his head. “I can’t give you everything you want out of life.”
“Oh? And what do I want out of life?”
“Marriage. Kids. Someone who can keep up with you.”
“I never said I wanted to get married, Ethan. I never said I wanted to have kids. And since when can you not keep up with me? I’m not going around running marathons or jumping out of planes. I’m happy just being with you. That’s enough for me.Morethan enough.”
“But if you change your mind, and I can’t give those things to you…” He swallows. “You’ll resent me, Victoria.”
What is he talking about? Resent him? I’d never resent him.
Then, suddenly, I understand. He doesn’t want to get hurt again like he did in the past. “I won’t, Ethan. I promise you I won’t. I’m not like your ex-wife. I’m not her.”
Something changes in his eyes. He suddenly understands the mistake he’s made, too.
He nods. Runs a hand over his head. Exhales a long breath.
“You’re right,” he says. “You’re completely right. Can we start over?”
