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Elle wrapped the rest of the chocolates up and jogged over to hurl them in the nearest bin.
‘They weren’t that bad, Elle!’
‘Helen, my love, here have some water, drink, drink.’ Elle was pushing the water bottle to Helen’s lips. ‘My love, I’m going to explain this now whilst you still understand me. Those aren’t normal chocolates; they have mushrooms in them …’
Helen furrowed her brow, struggling to attach this piece of information. They had tasted a bit … woody?
‘Magic mushrooms Helen, thank God you just had one …’
Helen raised up two fingers.
‘Fuck!!! Okay, well it’s fine, maybe they are not so strong, but just if you start seeing things, I don’t want you to worry okay. You’re my girl, I’ve got you, and I won’t let you out of my sight.’
Elle pulled Helen in for a hug. Helen saw the glow of the bonfire over Elle’s shoulder, the flames were brighter than before. They flicked up to the sky like mad tongues licking the air. Pulsing in time with the music.
Chapter 33
Helen was staring at the main site of Ship/Wrecked but something wasn’t quite right. Her legs felt unsteady on the ground beneath her, like she was walking on a giant trampoline. Like every step she could either disappear into the floor or spring towards the stars. The sky twinkled more maniacally and the lights on the pathway were throbbing bright and white.
Elle was holding on to her hand. The warmth from her fingers felt intense. She kept saying things to Helen but the words slipped by without making any sense. ‘Just stay close to Elle, she’ll look after you,’ a dim corner of her mind kept repeating, but was drowned out by the blackout that had fallen across her other thoughts.
She could see the bonfire (they’d made it bigger?) in the distance and she was sitting down, Fairy, Aiden and Chugs were there. Fairy’s wings were in a heap on the floor, twinkling. Helen couldn’t stop looking at them, and followed the sequence of lights off, off, off, on, on, on. Small fingers brushed the side of her hair, Fairy was looking at her in her eyes. Her face felt so close. Was she going to kiss her? No, she was talking to Elle.
Focus Helen, focus Helen …
Focus. That’s what Brody had said? That he liked to focus. But he didn’t. He didn’t want to make ‘promises or future plans’. That sinkhole feeling in her stomach again. Her mind fluttered.
‘I think it’s best if we just try to create a peaceful, loving environment for Helen to experience this in.’ Aiden stood over her, the hairs of his jacket bristling like a wolf.
‘She doesn’t want to experience this, she needs this to end!’ Elle’s hands were on her hips.
‘Orange juice will help her to sober up, I think.’ Fairy’s voice really did sound like a fairy, it was light and delicate. Like she was singing. Like sleigh bells.
‘No, orange juice enhances the trip!’ Chugs was talking now. His mouth pulled open into an exaggerated O shape.
Chugs was a portmanteau of cuddles and hugs, Helen remembered that. Had she and Brody kissed again? They had. The cliffs. She remembered his face and how it hung half in shadow. She shivered.
‘Babe, I’m going to be gone for a few minutes; it’s going to feel like I’m gone a long time but I’m not leaving you, okay?’ Elle was in front of her, warm and safe. Then she got up and left. The space where she’d been sitting felt cold and oppressive.
Why was she leaving her? As Elle moved away, she left a contrail behind her of orange air. It’s okay, she says she’s coming back, the voice in Helen’s brain remembered. I just need to stay here.
Helen pulled her knees into her chest. She just had to focus. No, not that word again. That reminded her of Brody. Brody. She could smell sea air again. Where were they this time? They were back at Hell’s Mouth; the sun was setting and Brody was wearing his pendant? He was. It was glinting menacingly around his neck. He leaned in to kiss her, and she felt the strength draining from her legs. She was leaving her body. She was stuck to him like a long shadow on the ground. Who was she anymore?
‘Helen! Look at this love …’ Fairy was back in front of her. Where was Elle? Fairy held out her wings in front of her. ‘Just look at this and think about people you love.’
Helen tried to focus on the twinkling lights, on, on, on, off, off, off. They were beautiful, and out of their shapes came Nanny G’s brooch. The lilac butterfly she always wore, reflected at her. Nanny G. Memories washed over Helen of sleepovers at Nanny G’s old house. The smell of fritters in the kitchen, making a puzzle on her dining table, walking across the cliffs in the starlight. Nanny G flicking Grandpa M with a dishcloth, Grandpa M pinching Nanny G’s bottom. Chequered tea towels. Stained glass …
‘You all right, babe?’ A dark voice.
Aiden? No. Chugs? No. Fairy? No. Where were they? Helen turned her head and it felt heavy on her shoulders, there they were dancing, close but not close enough …
‘You want a drink?’ The voice again. In front of her was the man with the glassy eyes. She watched slowly as a bead of sweat drifted down his cheek, to his chin, and hung like a droplet in the light. He sniffed loudly.
‘You want to go somewhere to lie down? Yeah I think you do …’ His arms slipped under Helen’s; she was being pulled up. She didn’t want to be pulled up. She tried to let her body sink into the floor again, but it wouldn’t comply. She was too light, like a balloon.
She could feel his hands, sticky, under her butterfly wings. His breath was hot and sour.
‘Helen!’ Another voice. ‘Back off mate.’
