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Helen was about to say she didn’t look that great either, but bit her bottom lip instead. The pause in their conversation stretched out for what felt like an eternity. Why did it suddenly feel so awkward? Had Ish’s hand moved a few inches closer on the bed?
‘Ish?’
‘Yup.’
‘Why did you come to the festival?’ Maybe this was one time when blurting her words out made sense.
He pulled his hand back. ‘I came to see you … can’t really be anything but honest about that, it’s a bit obvious now, isn’t it?’ Ish scratched the back of his head.
The words seemed to fall from the air like lead. Helen’s heart started beating faster.
‘Now I know you may not feel the same. I know you came to see that other guy … And honestly when we met that night, I wasn’t sure how I felt about you either …’
Helen frowned. Ish was itching his ear now.’I mean it wasn’t like … there wasn’t a spark when we met right?’
‘More like a creepy guy in a brown beanie … and nice guy with a blister plaster …’ Helen shrugged.
‘… and a yellow bike. But as we spent more time together, I dunno, I felt something click. When we were driving over to find Vernon …’
‘Seven dinosaurs!’
‘Yep … when we were sitting together in that garden bar … and I thought “Ish you need to back yerself more,” I realised that here was someone I actually liked, and got on with, and … you’re gorgeous by the way …’
Helen blushed hard.
‘… and I thought if I didn’t try to see ya at the festival that might be it: you could meet, who was it? Brody? And then I’d have missed my chance.’
‘I still don’t know how I feel about Brody …’
For a millisecond Ish’s facial expression tightened, then relaxed again. ‘I know and that’s all right too. You don’t owe me anything.’
‘Well you did save me twice already …’
‘I think I just have good timing … well apart from not meeting ya three months ago, before you met Brody, that’s a bit unfortunate that …’ Ish’s big Rolo eyes looked down, he half-smiled, and cleared his throat. ‘Also, just because I fancy ya doesn’t mean I don’t want to be yer friend, you know, if you don’t feel the same. I still wanna help with your work, and chat to your nan …’
‘She’s the best, right?’
‘Well she has stiff competition from Grandma R in my family but yeh she’s a good’un. Knew she’d like the milkshake.’
‘You know how to make the elderly ladies go wild.’
‘What can I say? I know my market!’
‘Ish?’
‘Yup?’
‘You know I don’t know what I want right?’ Helen felt herself tense: was she even making sense? Did she sound like Brody? She’d always wanted a guy to just come into her life, and for once be clear about what he wanted, and now the opportunity was sat two feet away from her and she wasn’t taking it. But something was holding her back and Ish was about the last person in the world she wanted to hurt …
‘I know, and that’s also okay.’ Ish’s eyes locked with Helen’s. Her hand crept towards his on the bed, just as Elle walked back into the room.
Chapter 37
Helen’s keys jangled in her front door, as she shoved her oversized backpack into her studio apartment. The mud splattered bag looked out of place among the old factory walls of her studio, she poked a tuft of fairy wings back into the front pocket. Cornwall seemed like a long way away. She picked up her mail off the floor: there was a depressing student loan annual statement, a flyer for Alabama Fried Chicken’s new vegan burger, and a thick, cream envelope. Helen tore gently along the seam:
Dear Helen,
Sophie & Frank would like to cordially invite you to their engagement party at the Hilton Metropole at 7pm on Saturday 27thJuly.
