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Brody slightly shifted his body weight. ‘I guess, like lots of people, my friends and I go out, and we have some healthy fun, all in moderation obviously …’
Healthy fun? Wasn’t that cycling or yoga? Now Helen was leaning back. ‘Obviously … and when you’re going travelling, is that going to be to Columbia for a month?’
‘Bogotá is great actually …’ Brody sniffed. ‘Latin America is worth a good six months I think, I’ll have to add it to my itinerary. Is it on your bucket list?’
‘Well it better be, if I’m coming with you right?’ Elle would kill her for saying that.
Helen paused, the slippery feeling of excitement (anxiety?) within her was hardening into a new tougher emotion. Was she angry with him? Why was she angry with him? Was it for the flippant suggestion she came with him? Or at herself for believing it for a millisecond? What about her work? Her family? Her friends? Why was she in such a rush to give all that up, to pack her bags and be giddy with excitement for a round the world trip with a guy she barely knew? For a guy who didn’t even mean what he said anyway?
The problem was Brody didn’t think like that, he didn’t actually think about her, he thought about what words would sound good for him to say.
‘You’re amazing Helen …’
‘… but?’
‘I think we need to wind it back a few steps. We’ve only just met again, and I can’t make any promises about where I’m heading, at least until this deal is done. Then who knows? Anything could happen.’
‘And one of those possibilities is we end up skiing together in Slovenia this Christmas?’ Even Helen knew this would never happen, not least because she was never going skiing ever again.
‘Well I always spend Christmas just with my family …’
From her extensive research into Alice’s Instagram, Helen knew that was a lie.
‘But who knows? I like to stay present, I don’t think it’s good to project too far forward into the future. Especially, well you can probably tell what I’m like? When I commit to something, I really commit to it. I’ll end up spending all my time on it, kind of like True Materials …’
Apart from the fact your employee told me you were never around …
‘So I just like to take my time, before I dive in.’ Brody kept speaking slowly but Helen noticed his eyes tracing towards the door of the coffee shop.
‘I guess before I “dive in” …’ Helen was finally using inverted comma fingers ironically, ‘… I’d like to know you’re at least open to this going somewhere, and aren’t planning on leaving the country …’
‘Well I don’t want to make you any promises Helen, but that’s actually because I care too much about you to mislead you …’
Helen snorted into her iced latte so much there were bubbles in it.
‘But who knows? As I said, anything could happen in the future, if it’s meant to be …’ Brody leaned in again, but his words faded out, like her ears were refusing to listen to them.
Helen paused, allowing Brody to wash over her. The sandy hair was the same, the trademark smirk, but something was missing, that wasn’t going to come back. Perfect fantasy Brody had melted into totally-average-flaky-guy Brody. She quickly pulled on her shoulder bag.
‘Instead of me waiting to find out the answer, how about I tell you right now it’s not meant to be.’
‘Helen?’ Brody gazed up at her as she rose to her feet. He looked at her differently this time, not with his normal, confident, steady gaze, but with watery adoration; all because she had thrown the pen in the bin, instead of signing on the dotted line. This is what it must feel like to be Elle. Is that really what he wanted? Someone to say no to him? Someone to chase? No, a challenge, but one that he could ultimately win …
Helen walked out of the door into the bright sunshine, hearing the satisfying sound of the swing door shut behind her. She half expected Brody to chase after her, but then remembered the real Brody wasn’t actually that romantic. He was probably checking his emails right now, smoothing down his hair, and acting like nothing had happened.
She looked around her, a woman with a septum piercing was arguing with a guy in tortoise shell sunglasses. There was a faint hum of bass from some long forgotten afterparty in the distance. The tarmac glowed in the heat, and she felt just fine. There was no gaping pit in her stomach, no Jenga block falling, just normal life marching on.
Helen started back for home and opened her phone:
Ish:Hels, I know we just got back yesterday but what do you think about filming this week? Rumour has it you make a great roly-poly (I hope Nanny G wasn’t confused when she told me that!) and we could make our Victorian cakes collab? No pressure if not though x
Helen:Technically roly-poly is a pudding, not a cake but other than that it sounds fun … Friday? xx
Chapter 39
Sophie:All fine over here, just manic with party preparations and dance lessons*.
*Frank has some ‘interesting’ ideas about things he’d like to do at the engagement party.
