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Marnie hid me from the world. Maybe she was ashamed of who my father was. But I know now that I refuse to do the same. There is no mistaking that Eli has parts of Robert.
But, as Mischa pointed out, he also contains pieces of me.
“I don’t want to take him from you,” I admit to Anna. “I couldn’t.”
“And it isn’t my place to deny him his mother,” she replies, smiling weakly. “Even if I wish he could stay mine forever.”
In awkward silence, we pick at our food. Finally, Anna reaches across the table, brushing her hand over mine. “You aren’t hungry?”
I look down at my untouched plate. “I don’t think so,” I say.
“I see…” She eyes me for so long that I’m not sure whether to question her or leave. Finally, she sighs. “Robert wasn’t a terrible father, per se. In fact, I don’t think he even knew how to be one. He kept his son well-fed and protected, but he never held him. He never soothed him when he cried. He saw him rarely… Mischa?” Her gaze turns wistful and darts toward my stomach. “Misha would be different. Anyway, I think I’m going up to bed.”
She gingerly gathers up her plate and I copy her. Together, we ascend the stairs, silent creatures, victims in this brutal war.
We’ve both lost an untold amount as collateral.
But in a twisted way, we’ve gained more than we could ever have imagined as well.
