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When Sidney and Allie went to bed, I was left alone and awake in a silent house. Time crept by with every second making itself known.
I sat on the couch and absently pet Spud until he got tired of me and went to go lay in his bed. I tipped over on the couch and indulged in a good cry. The sobs shook my whole body, and I did my best to muffle the sound on one of the couch pillows. Self loathing burrowed deep, hooking its claws into my chest.
Soft footsteps came down the hall, and my brother appeared in a housecoat.
I sat up sharply and wiped my face.
Sidney sighed and sank down next to me. “Do you want to talk?” he asked.
I sniffled. “I don’t know what there is to talk about. I’m abandoning my omega when he needs me because I’m a chickenshit.”
Sidney snorted and put his hand on my shoulder. “You’re not a chickenshit. But I think it does speak some pretty loud volumes that you called Jasperyouromega.”
Heat rushed into my cheeks.
“What scares you about it?” Sidney asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Everything. I don’t like feeling out of control.”
Sidney nodded slowly. “Youarea bit of a tight-ass. So you’re worried that the heat will make you lose too much control?”
“Basically. What's it like? Being on the outside of one?”
“Well, I know you’ve never done ecstasy, or you wouldn’t be this uptight, but I knew a fair few people in college who did, and they always compared it to that. I’ve never taken it myself, but I’ve looked up the effects.”
“That's not making me feel any better about it.”
“I know, but I’m not trying to make you feel better. I’m trying to make you understand. Obviously, things would be different for you than for me, but with so many people involved, it could be comparable.” Sidney sighed and scratched his head. “The basics of it are that you’re going to be very awake and energized, very warm, and extremely horny.”
He laughed at the face I pulled.
“I know you don’t wanna think about that part with me, but it's still true. There's a reason they have underground clubs for people to indulge in omegas in heat. It's a drug hit with no negative side effects.”
I fussed with my cuticles and grumbled to myself. “I wish I could relax about this more.”
“If you bit the bullet and participated, Jasper's hormones would do that for you. But Nick, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You don’t have to do this. Jasper has plenty of caretakers.”
I swallowed back the response thatIshould be one of them. “I think it's all harder because I feel like I’m letting all of them down and I’ve gotten too attached.”
Sidney looked at me curiously. “You’re going to have to explain that last part.”
“How so?”
“You’re dating a pack. Were you planning on doing that casually?”
My shoulders leapt up to my ears. “I hadn’t really thought about it. They came out of nowhere, and I rolled with it.”
Sidney flicked me in the forehead, and I clapped my hand over the tender spot.
“Ow!”
“You’re too smart to be this much of a dumbass,” Sidney said with a laugh. “You need to think about this a little bit harder. Because, if you’re intending to stay with them, there's no such thing as too attached. What do you want, Nick?”
“Quit trying to make me examine my inner desires.”
“Nope. Do you see a future of just you and Spud, or do you want to be with that pack long-term? Do you wanna live there? Bond with them? Marry however many of them you please? The time for rolling with it has kind of passed.”
I groaned and stole one of the couch pillows, hugging it to my chest. “It's all happening so fast.”
