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Hana scooped me up as if I were a child. I was carted back into the house and up to the main floor. Nicky was in the kitchen with her small rolling suitcase at her heels next to Spud's carrier. Gabe had already left for work, but Billie and Tony were with her. Neither looked particularly happy at this turn of events.
Trying to force her to stay would only make things worse. I didn’t want her to be part of my heat because she felt like she had to be. I wanted her to be with me, with us, because it was what she wanted most.
Hana set me on my feet and kept a steady arm around my waist. “Do you want to say goodbye or go upstairs?”
The others were watching us. Nicky looked almost as devastated as I felt, but it wasn’t stopping her from leaving.
“Upstairs please.”
I might regret it in the morning, but I couldn’t make myself go through a goodbye right now.
I should’ve asked her weeks ago, before I’d gotten so close, before the hormones turned me into an emotional mess.
Too late now.
A few minutes later I was tucked in my bed with Hana, Tony, and Billie around me. My sheets still smelled like Nicky, and that wasn’t helping my emotions to settle.
“Do you think she’ll be safe?” I asked. I didn’t like the idea of her being out of sight of the pack for so long with Alphonse still out there.
“She’ll have her family,” Hana said.
“She promised to do check-ins until the heat starts, too,” said Billie. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to stay.”
“That's because you have a decade of experience with heats,” Tony reminded them. “Nicky's never been part of one. And it's better for her to leave now than for her to freak out during a heat when none of us are in the right mind to help her.”
Billie sighed. “Okay, if you want to be all logical about it.”
“I agree with Tony,” Hana said. “If the heat was happening six months from now, or later, then her answer might’ve been different. But heats are intense. We all know that. It's a lot even when there's only one other person involved, let alone when there are five of us. Plus she's only been with max three of us at a time, and this would be a several days long orgy. I’m not happy that she's not going to be there, but I understand.”
I knew everything they were saying made sense; however, my instincts didn’t give a flying fuck about rationality.
They all cuddled around me, giving what comfort they could. I only hoped that when the heat actually hit me I could manage with having my pack incomplete.
47
NICKY
“Ifeellikesucha dick.” I slumped down onto Sidney's couch. Allie pushed a cup of tea at me.
“You’re not hurting him on purpose,” said Allie. “If you’re not ready, you’re not ready, and you’d be doing no one any favours by trying to force yourself.”
I grumbled and sipped my drink. “I hate all of this. Why can’t I just be okay with it?”
“Nick, there's no sense beating yourself up about this.” Sidney nudged my shoulder. “What's done is done, and when his heat is over, you can all talk.”
“But what if they don’t want me back?” The concept of it made my throat burn. I set aside my tea and buried my face in my hands. “What if I fucked everything up and they all hate me?”
“Then they’re not the people you thought they were,” Sidney said firmly. “I don’t care how casual some people are about their heats. Even in my line of work, it's a big deal to share with someone. Omegas are vulnerable during that time, and if you can’t be a good caretaker to them, then you shouldn’t be there. And the rest of that pack knows that too, or they should.”
Allie nodded along. “It’ll be okay. If they kick up a huge fuss over this, then I’m not above throwing hands.”
The thought of Allie trying to take on Hana was enough to make me laugh. “Please don’t.”
I sank back into melancholy. Spud was as displeased as I was. Poor little thing was not a fan of being parted from Roscoe. I sighed. It was only for a couple of weeks. Tony had said that he would let me know when the heat was over. Part of me dreaded walking back in knowing that I had let Jasper down.
“Finish your tea,” Allie ordered. “You’re not allowed to be sadanddehydrated.”
I wished I had left on a day when I worked and not the start of my break. There was nothing to distract me, no way to fill my time, and that left me far too much space to think about Jasper.
