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Kellie laughs. “It’s an extremely lame excuse and you did the right thing. I’m actually shocked that you were going to lose your V card to him of all people.”
I look over at her. “What do you mean him of all people?”
“I mean, you’ve dated before. You’ve dated guys for a lot longer that you never sealed the deal with. So, why Rayn? Why was he the special one?” she asks.
It’s a good question.
I used to think that it would be like this a-ha moment.
I used to think it would be this big step that I would be ready to take after a candlelit dinner.
Turns out that losing my virginity could happen over a tornado scare with a guy I’m not even dating.
“Honestly? He’s a good guy,” I tell her. “He won’t let me get to know him very well. He keeps very big walls up. But in the moments he lets them down, it’s clear. There’s a very good guy there.”
Kellie stares at me. “And he’s crazy hot?”
“And he’s crazy hot,” I agree.
“So, what are you going to do? You’re just going to let him get away?” she asks.
I hug my pillow closer to my chest. “Yes, I am.”
“You’re just going to let him lose himself in football while you hole yourself away in school and your to-do list?” she asks.
I nod. “That’s the plan.”
She pats my hand. “You two are so very, very functional.”
“Yes, we are,” I agree sarcastically.
The truth is that I am done with chasing Rayn.
I was the one who kissed him first. I was the one who told him I was a virgin. I’m constantly letting myself be open to being hurt by him and I am through with that. I don’t want to get hurt.
I want to be focused like he is.
And I really don’t want to be around him anymore.
I just want to go back to my old life.
And pretend this never happened in the first place.
Chapter Nine
RAYN
My new tutor is the stereotypical nerd that I had wanted in the first place. Dry. Boring. And I’m struggling to pay attention in every session.
I don’t know if I am going to get up to passing grades with this one.
But, Lennon isn’t an option anymore.
I made sure of that.
So, I have to deal with the cards I’m dealt.
Every time I enter the tutoring center, I look for Lennon.
