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I stop and cup her face in my hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Do you want to slow down?”
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “No, I want to, but I want you to know.”
I kiss her softly on her lips.
The fact that Lennon’s a virgin changes things.
It only makes this harder for me.
I won’t be able to let her go after this.
I can’t just have sex with her and then cut things off. Not that it would have been easy before.
I take a moment to think.
“Is something wrong?” Lennon asks me.
I kiss her again.
Maybe, for once, I can try telling the truth.
“Lennon, you were honest with me,” I tell her. “And I want to be honest with you, too. I am 100% committed to football. It’s the reason that I let my grades get so bad. It’s everything. And I told myself that I couldn’t date until the NFL. It’s a distraction and my future is too important. I amverygood at not getting distracted. But you… you’re just so hard to resist. It’s why I wanted to cut things off on our first day of tutoring. It’s why I never talked about the first time we kissed. I don’t think I am the kind of guy who can be with you, Lennon. And we shouldn’t do this right now.”
Lennon grabs her shirt.
She’s not mad.
She’s furious.
“So, if Iweren’ta virgin, you’d have no problem sleeping with me then walking away, but because I am, then that’s where you draw the line?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No, that’s not what–”
She slaps me clean across the face.
“Rayn, you are an asshole. You have been an asshole from the start. And I should never have convinced myself otherwise. Find yourself a new tutor. We’re done.”
I have never seen a woman get dressed quicker before.
Lennon throws her clothes back on and storms out of the room.
And I feel like the worst man in the world.
Chapter Eight
LENNON
There is an art to wallowing.
For starters, you should never do it for very long.
I like to wallow for one night only. I pick a night to watch very sad movies and cry. It’s healthy to cry, after all. I also invite Kellie over, because as they say, misery loves company. We order pizza and we eat ice cream and we do not drink because drinking leads to bad decisions.
Tonight is wallowing night.
Tomorrow, I move on.
“Do you know how stupid it is to usefootballas an excuse to not pursue a relationship?” I ask Kellie. “I don’t care how good you are. It’s still just throwing a ball. And running with a ball. It’s just a sport with balls!”
