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Maybe I can just pretend I lost his number?
Maybe I can lie and say that I started seeing an old boyfriend?
Maybe… I just need to sleep on it.
* * *
A whole week has gone by since I slept with Judah and I never came up with anything good to say to him.
I was praying that Trent would be home by now and I wouldn’t have to own up to ghosting Judah, but no such luck.
I am pacing on the soccer field, awaiting my punishment.
I feel like a total jerk.
Because I acted like a total jerk.
I should have thought of something to say, instead of just saying nothing at all.
I’m so nervous that I am sweating through my shirt.
It’s not a good look.
Slowly, the field starts to fill up with girls. I frantically search for Judah and Busy. Wanting to see them. Not wanting to see them.
My mind is a total jumble.
This is all too much, too fast.
Finally, I see them walking up to the field. Busy runs up to me and immediately throws her arms around me.
“We never finished Moana,” she tells me.
It really tugs at my heartstrings that she has been holing onto that one for a week.
And it makes me feel even worse.
Judah doesn’t even look at me. He just takes his chair and settles himself in line with the moms.
My stomach starts to ache.
I want him still.
But I know that I shouldn’t have him.
I can’t be reckless with his heart.
So if I need to be the bad guy, I will be the bad guy.
* * *
The girls are all over the place today. It’s as if that all got together before practice and shotgunned Dr. Pepper.
I can’t get them to listen or focus.
So, I try my best and hope they at least get something out of today.
I lean down to help one of the girls with her kicking form when I hear a scream.
