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I would not blame him if he did.
“Hi,” he says, quietly.
“Judah, I’m—“
“It’s okay,” he interrupts me. “You don’t need to explain anything to me. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
Well now Ireallyfeel like a jerk.
I look into Judah’s eyes. I did not break him. I didn’t destroy him. He is a grown man with a full life. And what we shared on one night together did not stop everything for him.
I feel silly for thinking I had that kind of power.
“I’m okay,” I say. And then the words start flowing out of me. “I got scared. Really scared. I didn’t want to get hurt and I didn’t want to hurt you or Busy so… I was a coward and I ran away. I tried to text you so many times but there weren’t any words that sounded right. And seeing you here now, well, I wish I could take it all back.”
Judah states at me while I gulp air down into my lungs.
“So, what are you trying to say?” he asks me.
I don’t think he is confused by my words. I think he just wants to hear me spell it out.
I think I owe him that.
“I care about you,” I tell him. “I care about Busy. It’s why I pushed you away in the first place. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to be scared. I want… I want to be with you, Judah.”
His seriousness fades.
In its place, a warm smile stretches across him face.
He starts to say, “If you don’t kiss me right now—“
I interject with my lips.
I throw my arms around his neck and he kisses me back.
I feel safe here.
I feel angry with myself for letting a whole week of fear keep me from him.
I promise myself that I won’t do that again.
When our lips part, I look at him with a huge smile on my face. I hold him still.
“You know,” he says, “everyone is watching.”
I only look at him.
“Let them watch,” I say, and bend forward to kiss him again.
Epilogue
One year later
Judah
Busy smiles for the camera. Her lips tremble from how wide of a smile she is trying to hold.
I cannot believe I have a kindergartner.
