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I know I’m a good dad. I know I take care of Busy in the best way that I know how. But… I’m not her mom. And watching her out on the field with Coach Nora is just another painful reminder of what Busy is missing.
* * *
At the end of practice, the kids all flock to me.
I have never seen a group of children more excited for orange slices in my entire life. You would think I sprinkled sugar on them or something.
“Dad, did you see me? I didn’t hit any of the cones!” Busy brags to me.
I try to listen to her as I appease the onslaught of grabby fingers. I tell her, “Yes, I am so proud! You did a great job.”
Coach Nora walks up to me, planting herself firmly beside me.
“Would you like a water? Orange slices, maybe?” I ask her.
She shakes her head at me, looking exhausted. “No thank you. I’m all set. Did you know how exhausting four-year-olds can be? I mean… the energy.”
I laugh. “Yes, I have a pretty clear idea.”
She looks at me and lightly smacks her hand on her forehead. “Duh. Of course you do. I don’t know what I’m thinking. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that Busy is really talented. I don’t know if my brother gives you a lot of feedback, but truly, she is very ahead for her age.”
I look around, hoping none of the mothers heard.
I don’t need another reason for Busy to be singled out.
“Thank you,” I tell her, as the girls run off to sit in the grass. “I wasn’t sure how she would like it when she first got started, but she never complains. She really loves soccer.”
“Did you play?” she asks me, without a hint of irony in her voice.
I laugh. “Me? Oh, absolutely not. I was a computer nerd. Still am. Busy’s the athlete in the family.”
Nora tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “She must get it from your wife, then.”
It stings.
But also… is she flirting with me?
That’s the question that people ask, right? The question to figure out if you are worth pursuing or not.
Maybe I’m just imagining things.
“I don’t… I’m not…” I stammer, knowing that my next comment with darken the mood. “Busy’s mom died. We were never married.”
Nora’s eyes widen. “Oh my God. I had no idea. I am so, so sorry.”
She looks genuine, too.
Most people look uncomfortable when I bring up Hannah.
But Nora? She really does look sorry.
“Thank you,” I tell her. “It was really hard, but Busy and I are managing.”
Nora looks over at Busy, then back to me. “Well, you are doing a great job with her. Not that you need me to tell you that.”
I smile. “I appreciate it. I never thought I would know how to braid a girl’s hair, but here we are.”
Nora laughs and gives me a little squeeze on my arm. It’s really natural, not too flirty, but the feel of her hand on my arm sends a shockwave through my system.
