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Regret hits me. “I never meant for you to be hurt. I swear, Birdie. But that day…” I pause to collect myself. “That day I was so scared of losing you. I said what I thought I had to, and I—” I stop and wonder if I should really tell her the truth.
She worries her bottom lip. Before I can stop myself, I reach my hand out and press my thumb to the soft flesh. I gently pull her lip out from her teeth and rub my finger over the indentations. She stops breathing and her gaze flicks to my lips, then back to my eyes. I pull back before I lose my nerve and take my mind back to that last day of sophomore year…
“Holy shit, dude.” I tell Ben over the phone. “I can’t believe you did it.”
“Me either,” he says. I swear I can hear him blush over the phone.
“It just kind of happened.”
“And you said the L-word, too. That’s huge. I mean, I’m sixteen and I can’t imagine saying that to anyone like… ever.”
Ben laughs. “Not even to Birdie?”
I roll my eyes. “We’re friends, you dirtbag.”
“I thought you said you were head over heels for her or some crap the other day?” he questions.
“I didn’t mean it like that. She’s my best friend. I said I’d go head over heels to do anything for her, not that I want to have sex with her.”
“She’s got great boobs though.”
I shake my head. “Dude. Seriously?”
“What? I speak facts. So, you really don’t like her like that?”
My mind flashes to Birdie, her pretty black hair and soulful eyes. Her one dimple is cute, too. But I don’t think I like her more than a friend. “No, I don’t. And even if I did, I kind of kissed Jen Brown the other night after football.”
“The senior cheerleader?” His voice is in awe.
“The very one.”
“Damn dude. And you’re just telling me now?”
I shrug even though he can’t see. “I’ve been busy with the last day of school and everything, not to mention I got into it with my dad last night.”
“Is he drinking again?”
I clench my fists. I hate that Ben knows my secret. “He’s trying to get better. Mom thinks he should go to rehab. They got in a huge fight over it last night before they left for work. Then I laid into him for how rude he was to her. He left for work, and he was sleeping when I got home from school.”
“Does Birdie know about it?”
“No. You’re the only one.”
“Have you ever thought about telling her?”
“Why would I?”
“Because she’s your friend. You practically live together at this point.”
“Wow. You’re just so funny today, Ben.”
There’s silence for a moment before he speaks again. “Listen man, I have to come clean about something.”
My stomach sinks. “You didn’t tell Birdie about my dad, did you?
“No man, nothing like that. I would never.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Then what?”
