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Lord, how can I face losing Tate when I just found him again?
“Cassidy! Cassidy!” The sound of his snapping fingers caught her attention. She hadn’t heard a word he’d said. She swung her gaze toward Tate, recognizing the hurt look in his eyes.
“Sorry. What did you say?”
“I asked you if you wanted something for dessert. Pie? A milkshake?”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “No thanks. I’m stuffed,” she said in a quiet voice that hid all the anxiety bubbling up inside her.
“Stuffed? You barely ate half of your meal.” Tate’s voice sounded incredulous.
Arctic blue eyes studied her and she saw the questions looming in their depths. He’d always been able to read her so well, but tonight she wasn’t sending out any signals. It felt as if they were worlds apart. There was still the truth about the accident lying between them and it felt like an insurmountable barrier.
Just as Tate was ridding himself of all the anger and pain, she was now faced with unleashing a world of heartache on him. And knowing Tate as she did, he would react by retreating back into his shell of rage and hurt. All she wanted to do at the moment was bury herself under her covers and hide away from the world, to pretend as if it wasn’t her responsibility to tell the truth.
As Tate settled the check, Cassidy studied him from across the table. She wanted to capture the picture of him in her mind so that once she went back to Phoenix she could recall his image at will. There would be many nights ahead when she would think of him just before she closed her eyes and headed off toward a fitful sleep.
His baby blue eyes. The manly cleft in his chin. His mane of chocolate-colored hair. His broad shoulders that were made to be leaned on.
Losing Tate the first time had been devastating. Losing him a second time might be more than she could bear.
Chapter Twelve
Holly, Regina, Jenna and Cassidy had all gathered at Horseshoe Bend Ranch. A few days earlier Cassidy had laid it all on the line with Holly. She’d told her that she needed to come clean with Tate about the accident—that they couldn’t build a relationship on a lie. Holly had been a real friend, listening as she cried her heart out to her and spoke of her dreams for the future. Just like in the old days, Holly had vowed to help her. They had both realized that in order to move forward they had to let the other girls know that they no longer wanted to be bound to their vow of secrecy. After all they’d been through together, it was the only fair thing to do.
Holly had made all the phone calls, and without being explicit, she’d let Regina and Jenna know that this meeting was of the utmost importance. Jenna had balked at meeting up with the three other roses, but Holly had been persistent, making subtle references to “unfinished business.”
Jenna was the last to arrive at the ranch. She’d looked mutinous from the moment she’d stepped into the stables, dressed in a yellow rain slicker and boots. A light rain had been falling all afternoon, creating a gloomy atmosphere at the ranch. Cassidy wrapped her arms around her middle, wishing she’d added another layer to her sweater to ward off the chill in the air.
“What is this all about?” Jenna asked as soon as she walked in, her face twisted in a frown.
“You were very secretive on the phone, Holly,” Regina added.
Holly positioned her wheelchair so that all the girls were in view. “Well, Cassidy and I...we don’t want to keep the vow anymore. We want to be open and honest about what really happened the night of the crash.”
Jenna let out a shocked gasp. “No! We all promised we would never tell.”
“We were kids then, Jenna,” Cassidy pointed out. “I don’t think we had any idea of what keeping a secret like that would entail.”
“We’ve been doing fine all these years,” Jenna snapped. “Then suddenly Cassidy comes back to town and wants to turn everything upside down. It’s not fair!”
“Fair? Do you really want to talk about fair?” Regina scolded. “Cassidy bore the brunt of everything, Jenna. She was the one who had everything to lose by keeping that vow. It was her reputation that got shredded, not ours.”
“When I agreed to keep the secret I was lying in hospital bed with a shattered spine. I think I would’ve agreed to anything,” Holly asserted. She hung her head. “It makes me sick that I’ve accepted all this sympathy over the years, all the while I’ve been lying about what really happened.”
“Don’t you see, Jenna? We’ve all moved forward to a point in our lives where the secret is doing more harm than good,” Cassidy explained. Jenna was acting as if this was a personal attack on her, when in reality it was unloading a secret that was weighing them all down.
Jenna stayed silent. She stared at them with big, rounded eyes that begged them not to go back on their vow. Cassidy recognized fear when she saw it. She’d lived with it for too long not to know it like the back of her hand. Jenna wasn’t just being ornery. She was scared to death.
Cassidy moved forward so that she was in Jenna’s direct line of sight. Compassion flowed through her as she saw her lips trembling and the lost look in her eyes.
“I was playing chicken with the car the night of the crash. There’s no way I can pretty that up or change it. I have to own it. But we all have some ownership. Even you, Jenna. And like it or not, I can’t let my future be dragged down by the past.” She shook her head vehemently. “Not anymore. Not ever again.”
* * *
Tate was stumped. He’d come back to the ranch much earlier than expected after getting off his shift prematurely, only to discover that Holly was nowhere to be found. His parents were out of town looking at purebred horses, so he knew she wasn’t with them. He was a little bit concerned, since driving was a new accomplishment for Holly and she might not have the skills to drive in the rain. Plus, it wasn’t like her to take off from the ranch without leaving a note or telling the family beforehand.
There was a slight chance she might have driven out somewhere on the property, he thought, as he grabbed his keys and headed for his truck. As he drove past the stables he came across not only Holly’s van, but Cassidy’s baby blue Honda. When he hopped out of his truck he noticed two other cars—a BMW that looked like the one Regina owned and another car he didn’t recognize.
