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Prologue
We tiptoe softly through the night
Afraid of monsters and their smite.
And as we lie there, full of hate
The monsters come and castigate.
The pitter-patterof heavy raindrops falls in a consistent downpour, splattering on my feet, washing away any residue of blood that drips from the knife I still wield in my left hand. Looking down, I let it slip from my fingertips with a detached sense of relief. The metal clatters to the ground as I back away, falling to my hands and knees, my stomach churning, my body numb.
The wind howls, a chilling reminder that I’m not alone in this dark alley. That it is the sole witness to the sins I have committed. The atrocities that have happened here tonight are a confirmation of the horrors I endured, giving legitimacy to my suffering and pain. The knowledge circles and sweeps around in a deliberate caress from the chilly breeze. A reassurance that it won’t speak a word.
I stare down into a dark puddle of water, the reflection of my face blurred by the ripples the wind conjures, but it’s my eyes that are startling. The deep blue has disappeared, and a darkness has replaced their depths.
I close my eyes, breathing deeply, while trying to drown out the voices in my head.Hiseyes came to mind. Those haunting golden eyes that raked over me, and yet I have no recollection of who they belonged to. Only vague memories and fleeting snippets of horrifying moments that now begin to fade.
My hands shake, drops of crimson soak into the white silk of my negligee, and I focus on each individual drop rather than the body lying a few feet away. He’s facedown on the concrete, an insignificant dark shadow. His once powerful control over me now meaningless.
I don’t feel any sense of loss or regret. Only relief that he no longer lives to inflict his sadistic torment. Trembling, I try to rise to my feet but I’m still unsteady. Faltering, my gaze lands on the lifeless body and I know I can’t run far enough from the events that have transpired.
I will never be the same, but I’m aware of this fate already.
The day he entered my life was the moment I was destined to become the broken person who now trembles in the rain, lost and confused, battered and struck down.
I tried to warn him. I told him to stop. My life had been pitched into the deepest of corruptions and I needed out. I hadn’t wanted this to happen, but he forced me to act. It was either him or me, and in this case, Ifinallychose me. It had always been about my tormentor, his needs and vile desires, but not this time.
I stare back at the dark, shadowy, unmoving form.
This is your fault. I hope you know that.
My head spins as dark and tormented thoughts of blood and murder are being whispered into my ear.
Run.
Hide.
Move, goddammit.
Slowly, I try once again to get up, but the world I know begins to spin. Those golden eyes never broke their steady gaze in the past, but this time their light fades. Maybe it’s the loss of power and the stronghold broken. In their depths there was accusation, and my own soulless afflictions reflected inside of them. He will never offer a reply, rebuke, or punishment. My triumph collides with my fear and apprehension.
I am not safe.
Lying on that cold, damp asphalt, I scream, knowing no one will hear me. No one cares, no one claims me now. I scream until my voice breaks and my breath is yanked from the depths of my throat, ripping from deep down in the pit of my blackened soul. I need help, I need a savior, I need torun. My eyes flutter shut, and I fight with all my will to stay awake, but the drugs I’ve been regularly given have taken over and will soon claim the last of my tattered sanity.
I’d told him,no.
But he didn’t listen.
This sickening knowledge was his parting gift to me. A final push to shatter my soul completely.
The stars in the night sky fade and slowly I feel my body going limp as I drift away. Macabre laughter escapes my lips, a foreign sound that isn’t my own. Nothing but an eerie noise that bounces off the walls of the empty alleyway and echoes into the fated night. This is what he wanted from me. My complete submission into a world that only he’d known how to drag me into, and from where there is no hope of leaving. God is the only one who knows just how badly I wanted to escape.
He’d won this round, I suppose. He always did have the last word.
The raindrops slide across my face, washing away the remnants of the salty tears I’d spilt for so many years.
This is how it’s going to end, my soul combining with his, and buried in the darkest depths of hell. I condemned myself to this afterlife. It is a prison of sorts. My eyes slowly flutter shut and I accept my fate. For the first time in my naive existence, I welcome the darkness I’d learned to be a part of so long ago.
