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“Don’t make me tickle you until you piss yourself, angel-girl,” Kase says, standing in the doorway to our temporary new place in the penthouse room of a condominium tower outside of Angel Canyon. “We need answers. Now. I thought your soul was only shining brighter because of all of our darkness surrounding you constantly. If what Zade says is true, we have to do everything to keep you safe.”
My mouth quivers, and my eyes water. I can’t even think about this. It hurts me on a soul-deep level. “I’m fucking scared, okay? If I don’t take it, I can still believe that Elias is out there somewhere.”
Dante kneels on the bathroom floor beside me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I know this is hard, Raven. But please. It’s important that we know for sure, so we can prepare and handle it.”
I don’t look at either of them and just stare at my stomach as if I can see Elias’s light inside me. But I can’t. I also can’t help thinking about the weird out-of-body experience I had when I was giving Zade a blow job. It felt as if Elias was near me again, but I just can’t believe it was because his soul decided to cycle again through me. I’m sure he will kick the shit out of himself if he ever remembers.
“Raven,” Kase says, joining Dante and me. He wraps his fingers around my wrist and pulls my hands from my face. “It’s going to be okay no matter what. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things how Elias reunites with us. As long as he takes his throne in Hell, things will be as they should. You will not see him as your child any longer. You will see him as your soulmate and a king of Hell.” Touching my stomach, he rests his hand on my body for a moment. “This is just a flesh bag.”
I scowl at him. I know he’s trying to make me feel better, but he has no idea what the hell he’s talking about. Whatever human being I make, then push the fuck out of me, will be my child forever. It doesn’t matter in this life here or in the next. It will change. The man I knew and loved is gone. He’s really, truly gone.
“You are wrong. If I’m having a baby, even if it was once Elias’s soul, it will not be him any longer. It’ll be my child. There is no turning back from that. This is not just the fucking body. It is so much more.” Tears burn my eyes, and I untangle myself from in between Kase and Dante. “Now, give me some privacy to do this. I don’t want you guys hanging around me while I piss on a stick. Please, just wait outside the door.”
Dante opens his mouth to argue, but Kase slaps his hand over his lips and hauls him to his feet. I shift on my feet nervously and watch as the two of them enter the suite and shut the door. I can hear them mumbling to each other just outside, but I ignore their quiet discussion.
“I can do this,” I say to myself, tearing open the box and pulling out the plastic stick. “This isn’t your first pregnancy scare. Remember the last one? You thought Joel knocked you up. At least this isn’t that situation.”
Thinking about that fucked up time so long ago helps me with my nerves, and I manage to get everything set up to take the test. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help thinking a silent prayer. Not to God. Not to the universe. But to Elias. I don’t know who else I can pray to in this moment. Maybe there was a mistake, and the angels were wrong. Please, please, please let them be wrong.
My eyes blur with burning tears, and I can’t see anything apart from my sadness clouding my vision. It only takes a minute, and I set the stick down on the counter and wash my hands. Turning on my feet, I stride to the bathroom door and pull it open. Dante and Kase wait anxiously outside. I can’t gather my nerve to look at them, so I slide between their two hulking bodies and rush right to the bed and flop onto it. I roll over, cocooning myself in the blankets, and listen as the two of them go into the bathroom.
I hold my breath, listening for any sort of reaction they give. I expect Kase to swear and shatter the mirror or something. I expect Dante to hiss. But silence greets me, and I can’t tell if it’s good or bad. Whatever that means.
The bed rumbles, and the familiar scent of Hell permeates the air as someone opens a portal in the suite. I keep my head covered, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. I’m even more nervous now, because I haven’t seen the other devils since Zade’s arrival hours ago.
“Where is she?” Lucian asks, his deep, gruff voice echoing through the suite. “I need to take a good fucking look at her.”
I don’t move, remaining silent as I lie on the bed. I’m too shocked and confused to face them. I am chicken shit and don’t want to face anyone. I just need a moment to think, but I know I can’t get one. And I kind of hate myself for feeling as if I need it because I know my devils love me, and they want to be here for me. I just...I don’t know. I can’t explain it.
“You don’t have to explain anything, heathen,” Micah says, whispering into my mind. “I will ensure you get some space even if we are all in this room, okay?”
I exhale a long breath. “Can you tell me what the test says? I was too afraid to look, and Kase and Dante haven’t given anything away.”
Before Micah can respond to me, a hiss sounds through the air. Something crashes, and a thud breaks the heavy silence. I yank the comforter away from my face to watch Micah standing between me and everyone. The cute bastard is taking his job literally. They communicate in the form of monstrous noises and growls, and I can’t help wondering if Micah told them telepathically that I requested space. Dante and Kase are known not to give me any. Ever since the one and only time they did when I first met Micah, they refuse to unless I’m with another devil. Right now, I’m a mopey, frightened coward who wants the world just to stop.
I sit upright but keep the blanket around me. “Micah, it’s okay. I don’t want you guys fighting.”
“But you asked for breathing room, and they want to smother you,” Micah argues, gathering his power in his palms, managing to expand the makeshift summoning circle even more.
“I want to do more than smother her. I want to fucking get a reading on her soul.” Lucian whips his fire chain at Micah, using Micah’s slight distraction of talking to me against him. “I think those bastards are lying.”
“The test is positive, asshole.” Kase growls with his words.
I jerk my attention to him and clutch my stomach. “What?”
Like my voice drenches the heat of the devils in ice water, they cool off and turn away from each other to stare at me.
“So, it’s true. Iampregnant.” Fuck me.
Holy fuck.
Holy shit.
I don’t know what to think or how to feel about any of this. I knew I wasn’t prepared before. I also had a small amount of hope that it wasn’t true. But now? Oh, God. What do I do now? I don’t know how to be a mom. I don’t think raising a kid in Hell is something that I should do. Like, how the heck am I going to raise this baby with my devils? How do I tell it when it grows up that his biological father is actually him? This is twisted. Like why? Why me? I was fully set on just living my life, having a good time, and breaking some angels, and then helping the universe.
This changes everything. It’s not just my soul I truly have to worry about.
“I can’t do this.” The words hurt me to say out loud, but there has to be another way. Can I restart a soul cycle? This really stabs me in my morals. I had never thought about any of this.
