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What is wrong with me?
Her words snap my attention away from my erection, and I focus on her. Did she just say what I think she said? She said, babies. Multiples. How is that so? I’ve seen the soul she carries, and it’s just one.
“Actually, you’re keeping me from both of their fathers. They won’t stop until they destroy all of Heaven if you don’t return me to them. Just do yourself a favor and stop it with this bullshit. If you’re so worried about Hell taking over, why don’t you just take your damn throne already and make sure that things go smoothly? A throne in Hell is fitting for you, considering how awful you are.” Raven lunges at me, her quick movements startling me enough to have me summon angelic light in my palms.
But she doesn’t stop.
She’s as afraid of my light as I am afraid of the sudden darkness eating away at the light she carries. Plowing into me, Raven shoves me into the wall hard enough to crack the plaster. I heave a breath, her forceful punch winding me. And then she knees me in the balls. I bow forward only to take her knee to my jaw. Raven grabs my hair and twists her fingers through it, yanking my head up. Her eyes glimmer with hellfire, and she growls at me like a demon.
Heaven help me. What have I gotten myself into?
“You have five seconds. Don’t think I won’t force you into Hell and turn you into my little bitch. And when you comply, I will give you to your brother to punish for the rest of eternity.” Raven pushes me hard enough to send me sprawling on my back.
I should fight. I should keep her away. But something about her in this moment freezes me at my very core. Her light and darkness confuse me. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s not her, but it comes from her.
“The Higher Power will not allow such a thing. Now settle down. Your admission about having multiple babies growing inside you confuses me.” I remain on the floor, and Raven towers over me. Shifting, I risk sitting up.
She uses her foot to shove me back to the floor again and pins me under her shoe. “Do you honestly think I’m going to give away the rest of my secrets? You’re the enemy.”
“Like fucking Hell, am I your enemy. I’m trying to help you.” Anger burns through me. The devils twisted her mind so much so that she can’t even see when she is being helped.
“How is this helping me? I know what the angelic army will do to me and my babies, and I won’t let it happen. You cannot take them from me.” Raven flares her nostrils as she sucks in a few deep breaths. “It’s so fucked up that you even consider that to be helping me. You call me an abomination, after all. I’m pretty sure that you just want to end my life on the mortal plane and wash your hands of me.”
“Raven, have you fucking heard a single word that I’ve said? I’m not going to kill you. I only want to protect you. I cannot allow Hell to have that beautiful blessing growing inside you.” I lower my voice, speaking softly, hoping that it calms her down.
“A blessing? You say that now. But you won’t think the same when you realize the truth. And you know what? I think I will tell you just to see your face. You’ve already let your guard down enough that you’re showing me the real you and how alike you are to Lucian. Your high and mighty ass will fall, and you’ll be shouting all your fucks all the way down.” Raven glowers at me in silence, letting her words sink into me instead of clarifying.
I repeat what she has just told me over and over again, trying to figure out what she means. I am far from being like Lucifer.
“Just because I am capable of using profanity does not mean I am like Lucifer.” I don’t know why I defend myself instead of asking her about the supposed truth. I can’t help it, though. It bothers me on a deep-seated level that she even considers me to be similar to the fucking bastard that continuously destroys the greatest work of the Higher Power.
“You just proved my point, Cass-hole. I mean, look what you’re focusing on. You are far more concerned about how you appear to me than the more important thing. You are just like him. Prideful, selfish, dense as fuck sometimes. You’re also lonely. You think that it is everyone else’s fault that your brethren turned their backs on you. You’re blaming everyone but yourself.” Raven surprises me by putting some space between us. She gives up trying to attack me and returns to her spot on the couch.
Her words hurt me more deeply than I expect them to. It’s like she can look inside my mind and see how sad I am over losing my closest companions. All I have left is Zade, and I’m afraid that he will abandon me soon. I know he will. I could see it in his eyes when he stood against me.
I stand in silence, staring at the strange light and darkness swirling around Raven’s middle. I don’t know how to defend myself, so I don’t. We obviously will never be on the same page. She’s far too involved with Hell to see just exactly what it has done to her and the rest of humanity.
Shifting on the couch, Raven lies back down. She presses her hands together and whispers something under her breath that I can’t hear. I don’t think she’s praying to the Higher Power, because I would feel her trying to connect with Heaven. If she’s not praying to Heaven, it means she’s praying to Hell. Just the thought prods at me in the worst way. She will not get any answers or help from the place that the dark souls go to spend eternity.
“Raven, you’re wasting your breath. Why don’t you do as I have suggested and go to the bathroom, get yourself cleaned up, and I will make you something to eat. You might feel better after. I know how uncomfortable it is to not have your needs met. Think of your blessing. You have to stop thinking about only yourself and your dark desires.” I straighten my shoulders, expecting her to spit fire or something at me.
She ignores me completely and turns on her side, facing her back to me. I can’t force her into taking care of herself, so I do the only thing I can think of. I stroll the short distance to the kitchen and grab a loaf of bread from the counter, doing my best to put together a sandwich for her.
With the plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other, I cautiously make my way back to Raven. She doesn’t look up at me despite my form shadowing over her. I feel a bit defeated that she doesn’t even try to talk to me anymore. Her silence is deafening. I don’t know how much I can take.
“This should be suitable until it’s safe enough for us to relocate,” I say, braving her fury to sit on the edge of the couch at her feet. “You must be hungry. Don’t punish yourself for something out of your control. Please just accept my offering. You don’t have to talk to me, but I would like to see you eat.”
She releases a loud sigh, exaggerating her annoyance. Sitting up, she narrows her eyes at me again. I hold out the plate with the simple turkey and cheese sandwich, offering it to her with what I hope looks like a soft smile. I’m trying really hard not to scowl despite her infuriating behavior. I don’t want to be her enemy any longer. It was never her I had a problem with. It is and always will be Hell.
“What, no pickles? Haven’t you heard that’s kind of a thing for pregnant ladies?” Raven lifts up the top piece of bread and drops it back onto the turkey. “You expect me to hang out with you fucking featherheads, and you can’t even manage to give me something good? No way. I guarantee the devils would have everything already taken care of. They even found me an obstetrician. You, on the other hand, are too concerned with everything around you to realize that I am not yours to claim. Giving me a sandwich and saying I’m going to be safe is nothing. My devils have promised me a magnificent future. They promised to take care of these babies, no matter what. None of them care that one is graced with heavenly light, even though I accidentally have been burning them lately. All they care about is me and them and the world and universe we create together.”
I gawk at her, listening to her describe what is ideal for her life right now. She wants pickles. Okay. I can manage that sometime. I will also ensure her children are safe. Unfortunately, I don’t know exactly what she means by only one of them being blessed with heavenly light.
“They would also distract me with a good time, and they would make me feel incredibly loved and adored right now. They would also give me a million fucking orgasms. They know what to do to take my mind off of the shitshow revolving around our mission.” Raven nudges me with her foot. “Are you going to offer me some of those? I don’t even think you know how to please a woman. I bet you only ever stroked your own cock.”
I try not to take her bait, because I know she uses lust and desire to her advantage. But fucking Hell. She is really testing my resolve to stay calm. I don’t need to give her an orgasm to make her content.
She bites into her sandwich with a smile, purposely chewing with her mouth open as if such a sight could ever bother me. I have seen the worst of the worst in humanity, and Raven is far from it. Her weakness lies with her need to accomplish the impossible. She thinks that building Purgatory will help in the end, but she is wrong. Most of the souls in Hell will never even make it to the level of complete balance.
