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I’m going to be sick. I’m going to be so fucking sick. How am I ever going to survive getting into the ring and murdering someone? It won’t even be out of self-preservation. I have to kill someone for fun.
Fuck my life.
Whenever things look up or I feel okay, the universe likes to push me back down to remind me of my place. I’m a donor. I will always be a donor even though I know I’m a dhampir.
“Hayley, you don’t have to do this. We’ll fight and cancel any negotiations we had. I’m not allowing you to be in this situation.” Sawyer ruffles his fingers through his brown hair, staring at the brightly lit ring. The place is half-packed with a lot more people in the audience tonight than before.
“You make it sound so easy. I know what will happen if I don’t do this. I can’t risk it. I don’t want you guys getting hurt because of me. Even if you weren’t here, I’d have to do it. This is my new fucked up life now. I just want to get through it. I want it to be over already.” I bounce on the balls of my feet, my whole body trembling with my nerves. This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done something that I’ve had to do. I’ve grown up knowing things won’t ever be my way, and I must do stuff I disagree with. Like killing someone.
Fuck, I’m so sick. My stomach twists and turns.
Sawyer bends down and gets in my face. He pinches my chin and guides me to lock my eyes with him. “Hayley, look at me, and don’t look away. I’m going to manipulate you to help you get through this.”
My whole body relaxes, and only his big hand holds me up, preventing me from spilling to the floor. Lawrence didn’t allow me to drink any blood, hoping it makes me more aggressive. Or compliant. I’m not sure.
“Is that okay? I can help you suppress your emotions. I don’t want you to feel this terrible. If you’re not going to let me break the contract, please let me do this.” Sawyer begs me with his beautiful blue eyes. They light with silver in anticipation.
“Please, help me. Please, stop me from feeling anything.” My voice comes out automatically as the words escape my mouth without me even thinking about them.
How twisted is it to want what he offers? I just want to be numb. I need not to care anymore. Without feeling anything, I might actually survive.
Sawyer offers me a whisper of a smile, though his eyes don’t shine with the happiness I wish they would carry. He leans in closer until he fills my gaze completely, his eyes turning solid silver as he prods into my mind. “Hayley, first, I want you to know that you’re safe. You don’t have to be afraid for your life or your well-being. I will take care of you. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” My voice barely sounds above a whisper.
“Good,” Sawyer says, leaning in close enough to touch the tip of his nose to mine. We share our breathing space, and it helps me relax even more. “Whatever happens tonight is not going to affect you mentally. You’re not responsible for the death of the donor. It is Lawrence. You’re not going to dwell on it because the donor has been given a death sentence. You’re brave and strong. You will not care about your opponents. The donor will try to kill you otherwise. You know you have to do what is best for you. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” A strange sensation crawls across my face and travels down my neck and into the rest of my body. The sickness gripping me fades, and I manage to straighten my back as Sawyer releases me from his mind manipulation.
A smile crosses my face. I listen to the crowd growing wild. They cheer louder than I remember the crowd at Vampire Nights, which pumps me up even more.
“How do you feel?” Sawyer asks me, drawing my attention back to him.
I snap my teeth at him, the strange sensation consuming me. All I want to do is bite him. I realize I’m starving, and the sickness clutching my stomach might be my blood hunger.
“Shit. One of you needs to give her some of your blood. Right now.” Cooper clenches his fingers into fists, staring at Lawrence entering the ring, wearing a fitted tuxedo with a red bowtie. It’s far from the same extravagant costumes that Alexander encompassed, but he still looks show-worthy. “I mean it. Do it. I don’t care what Lawrence wanted. She needs to be at least a bit in control.”
Knox bites his arm and extends it out to me. Like a wild beast, I close the space to him and lace my fingers around his wrist, pulling his arm to my mouth. I don’t know if it’s because of my nerves or because I’m starving, but I can’t control myself. His blood smells too good. It tastes even better.
I groan and suck harder, ensuring I’ll leave a mark behind.
Knox slides his hand around my back and pulls me to him, the only thing separating us now being his arm. It doesn’t last for long, because he manages to detach me and kisses me to redirect my focus. His lips mold against mine, kissing me softly. It’s enough to help ease the fear and anxiety crashing through me.
“I love you. I love you more than I knew I could love someone in so little time.” Knox caresses his fingers to my cheeks, smoothing out the tightness of my jaw. “You’re strong. You’re brave and capable. Just know that I doubt Lawrence would destroy a blood source if the man didn’t deserve it. Maybe he did something really fucked up.”
I hold onto his words, hoping he’s right. But I wouldn’t put it past Lawrence to be so sadistic. Regardless of my thoughts, I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would. The only thing I feel right now is lust and hunger and the need to just get this over with. I have an intense desire to turn into Violent Violet.
“You’re right,” I say, bouncing on the balls of my bare feet. I look up. “I’m sure it was terrible, and he needs to pay. So does Killer Kassandra. She’s going to get her ass beat down for even touching you, Knox.”
Monroe chuckles and extends a dagger out to me. It belongs to him with the Bella Crew emblem etched onto the hilt.
“Don’t lose my lucky knife, little bird. I’m letting you use it because I know that if you have something that belongs to me, you’ll take better care not to accidentally let somebody disarm you.” Monroe silently reminds me of a couple of moves, jabbing the knife and then flipping it around to hand it to me.
I inhale a deep breath. “I guess this is it, huh?” I turn to Cooper. “Keep up with me, okay? I don’t want to have to save your ass.”
Cooper tips his head back and laughs in amazement. “All right, my showgirl. Let’s do this.”
I take Cooper’s hand and let him lead me to the door with the aisle where we’ll run to the stage. The music blares with an upbeat rock song, and Lawrence announces the arrival of Killer Kassandra and her pet donor Naked Steve.
