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He squints. “What do you mean?”
“It just seems like you’re still harboring some really strong feelings.” I can’t look at him and finish my thought, so I turn my attention to the flowers. “I imagine it takes a while to fall out of love with someone, even after they’ve hurt you.”
“Alexis, I wouldn’t have...done what I did with you if I was still in love with my ex. I knew my marriage wasn’t working long before it was over.”
“Then why didn’t you split up sooner?”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Marriage is complicated. Divorce upsets more than just your emotions. It upends your entire life. Bonnie was building a business, and I was doing research on top of teaching classes. We’d become friends who were really good at cohabitating. Seemed like a bad time to rock the boat.”
“I can understand that.” I don’t have tons of relationship experience, but I’m used to biting my tongue and telling my family what they want to hear just to keep the peace.
“If she’d come to me when she first met the guy and said she wanted out, I would’ve given her my blessing. It’s the betrayal I can’t forgive. The lying and sneaking around behind my back. Sometimes right under my nose.” He glances around the nursery as if he’s just remembering where we are. “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
“No, I’m glad you told me. We never really got a chance to talk.”
His mouth twitches at the corners. “No, we didn’t.”
The unfairness of it all hits like a slap. Gavin’s been through so much over the last few years. He deserves to be happy—wedeserve to be happy—yet while we’re standing close enough to touch, we’re not allowed to reach for each other.
It’s a constant struggle not to touch him, but I know the risks are greater for him than they are for me. If we were caught, I’d be embarrassed but otherwise unscathed. Gavin would be fired from the job he’s wanted all his life.
I need to let this go and accept that all he’ll ever be is a piece of my past.
But I can’t. I still want him, as selfish as that is.
“What would you say to me right now if I wasn’t your student?” I ask him softly.
Gavin starts to shake his head, then stops. His stare holds mine the way I wish his arms would hold the rest of me.
“I’d tell you how much I’ve missed you. And try as I might, I can’t make myself delete the photos of you on my phone.”
A warm shiver rushes through me. He has to see the impact of his words and his closeness written all over my face. “I watch your video every night,” I whisper, holding my own hand because I’m not allowed to grasp his. “I watch you, and I—”
“Oh God, they’re everywhere! Get them off! Help, help!”
I step back from Gavin instinctively. After exchanging a curious look, we make our way through the greenery toward the desperate cries. When we find Felix, he’s standing by a tray of sliced citrus fruit with an orange slice in his hand and butterflies perched on his glasses.
“I thought they were refreshments,” he croaks.
“Technically they are,” Gavin says. “Just not for us.” He coughs to conceal his amusement, then flashes me a strained smile. “I’ll see you at the van, Alexis.”
“Of course, Professor Dunn. I’ll go check out the gift shop.”
His gaze lingers on my mouth for a half second before he goes to pick butterflies off a petrified Felix.
I want to drag him back into the alcove and kiss him so fervently that we forget why it’s inappropriate. But after everything he just told me, I realize the inappropriateness is only half the story.
If Gavin and I were to continue seeing each other, we’d have to keep our relationship a secret, at least until after graduation. There’s a certain romanticism to stolen kisses and slipping out of bed before the rest of the world has had its coffee.
But now I see that asking Gavin to lie to everyone, after his ex-wife lied to him, would hit far too close to home.
Chapter Seven
Gavin
My dick is hard before I even step in the shower.
It’s like clockwork. Every night for the past week, I’ve told myself this obsession with Alexis has to stop. And every night, I end up fisting my cock to the memory of her arousal soaking her panties. Tonight’s no different. In fact, it’s worse, because I stood close to her today, brushed my fingers across hers in the butterfly nursery.
