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Carter doesn't relax at that. He tenses up, then jerks around in Nathan's hold so he can look at him. His eyes are wide and panicked. His nostrils flare. "No, please."
"Please?"
"Please kill me, Nate. When it's all over. When I'm not needed anymore.Please."
"Carter-"Nathan breathes, unsure how he’s managing to breathe at all.
"If you really love me, you'll do it." A tear falls down Carter's cheek. His fingers scrabble as they grip desperately at Nathan's arm. "Please, Nate. Promise you'll kill me. Promise you'll set me free. I'll be so good until then, so fucking good. I won’t break. I’ll stay Carter for you. I won’t jump off the tightrope, not ever, but you have to give me this. You have to put a light at the end of the tunnel. Please just make it quick and finally put an end to it all."
Biles crawls along the back of Nathan's throat. Oxygen sets fire to his lungs. "No."
The boy sobs. It sounds eerily similar to the way he had cried when Nathan had beaten him at the party.
"Please," he begs, the word slurred by his sobs. "Please, sir. Nathan.Please. I can’t stick around forever. Love me or not, I’ll be used up eventually. I’ll get old. You’ll get bored. I - just - god, Nate, please. Just say you’ll do it. Promise me you’ll do it.”
"Carter, that's enough."
"I'll do it myself!" the boy warns.
For a moment, Nathan almost scoffs.
Then he sees the look in Carter's eyes. He's fucking serious. He'll do it.
Carter refuses to live this life any longer than he has to. He’s made up his mind.When did that happen? When did Carter come to the conclusion that death would be better than this?
"If you don't promise," the boy says carefully, having managed to get his crying under control enough for him to have a rational conversation. He must have sensed Nathan's wavering.Is Nathan wavering?"I'll do it before you catch Maison. I'll ruin your plans."
"Sweetheart…"
"I almost did it once already."
Nathan's world tilts. He lurches into a sitting position, his heart pounding hard enough for the beat to echo in his throat. "What?"
"After the party. I had it planned, but then…" Carter looks away from him, shrugging. "God, I was sotired. I couldn't get myself to do it."
That's it.
It's the final straw.
Nathan can’t protect this boy. Not from himself. Carter said it already - he’s not fucking superhuman.
This isn’t working anymore. Things have to change.
Nathan tells his best lie yet. He takes Carter's face in his hands, presses their foreheads together, and whispers, "If you promise to stay with me until I’m done with you, if you promise to remain unbroken, then yes, I'll kill you. I promise I'll kill you. I'll make it quick. Painless. And when we rape you, when it's time to hurt you in front of Maison, I'll drug you so you're too out of your mind to even feel it."
Carter shudders as a sob of relief racks his body. He falls forward, burying his face in Nathan's neck and wrapping his arms and legs around him.
"Thank you!" he sobs. Once he's started, he can't seem to stop. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
It takes forever for him to cry himself out. Even then, he keeps whispering breathy littlethank you's.
By the time the boy finally passes out in Nathan's arms, Nathan has come to a decision. One he's willing to die for if necessary.
He carefully extracts himself from Carter, pulling a blanket over the boy. Then he grabs his phone and heads into the bathroom.
He locks the door.
He turns on the sink.
