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Chapter Nine
Nathan nearly loses it when Carter goes quiet. He knows it’s bad when they stop making noise. When they stop reacting. It means they’ve been broken. None of the slaves around here cry anymore, having gone empty a long time ago. They just let things happen to them now. It’s what Nathan had told Carter to do last night. He said to give in. To just give up.
He hadn’t fuckingmeantit, though.
He had hoped that flipping Carter over like this would make things easier for the boy. Carter wouldn’t have to look at his rapist. He wouldn’t have to fuck himself on his rapist’s cock. Instead, it seems to have made things worse.
Nathan has to squeeze his eyes shut and focus on the pleasure of a tight hole around his cock. He plays his fantasy scenario out from this morning. The reason Carter is so quiet is because he’s sleepy. They just woke up. When Nathan finishes, Carter is going to roll over with a lazy grin and say, “That’s a great way to start a morning.”
Picturing that grin, Nathan finally reaches his orgasm. He holds Carter steady as he spills inside the boy, allowing himself one more moment of pretend before he opens his eyes and faces reality.
Carter is limp against the chair, his lips slightly parted as he takes deep, even breaths. His pretty blue eyes are glazed over and empty as he stares at the back of the chair without seeming to really see it. When Nathan pulls out of him, Carter doesn’t even react. It’s the same when Nathan pushes the anal plug back into his hole. He just stays loose and quiet, allowing himself to be moved around like a ragdoll.
The game is finally starting, an audience cheering on the TV. Nathan can’t register it. He can’t focus. Not on the game. Not on his men. Not on the persona he’s made for himself.
Nathan finds Benny, meeting his eyes. He shakes his head once. Benny nods in understanding. “Sorry to ruin the fun, boss, but thatthingwe discussed this morning? I got an update on it.”
Relief blooms in Nathan’s chest. Enough for him to fake a dramatic sigh and turn to face his men. “I suppose this is where I leave you boys, then. Hope you enjoyed the show.”
It’s not rare for Nathan to be swept away for important matters. They’re all used to it by now. A few of his men playfully boo, but then they’re all thanking him and wishing him a very happy night, all winking and smirking and nudge-nudging each other like teenage boys.
Nathan can’t get himself to respond to them. He just turns his back and gets the fuck out of the room on his jelly-like legs.
Benny doesn’t say a word. He just walks beside Nathan to his personal wing of the house and stops right before his door, turning to give him a concerned look. They don’t know what Carter can hear right now, so all Nathan can do is nod to acknowledge his friend’s help. Benny gives him a tight smile and nods back.
Nathan can’t get into his bedroom fast enough. He puts Carter on the edge of the bed, making sure he can sit up on his own, then hurries away to begin the lockdown procedures for the night. Acid bubbles in his stomach, getting worse as each second passes instead of better. Nathan’s legs nearly give out as he sweeps across his suite to the bathroom, his fingers fumbling with the lock on the door. He manages to turn the faucet on to hide any sound before falling to his knees and heaving into the toilet.
He can’t do this.
God, how did he ever fucking think he’d be able to do this?
The sounds Carter had made echo in his mind as his stomach twists violently, threatening him with another round of vomiting. He had thought he could help him. He had thought he could make things semi-pleasant for the boy. Nathan had played with his prostate, loving each gasp and whimper that fell from the boy’s lips. Loving the way his eyes had hooded with arousal. Loving the way the tip of his cock had beaded with precum. But then something had happened, and the boy no longer wanted it. So, Nathan got on with the show, wanting it to be over as soon as possible. Just when he thought he had managed to help Carter get back to that partially-pleasurable state, he had looked up to find the boy crying.
Should he not try to make him feel good? That doesn’t feel… right. The least Nathan can do is give the boy some pleasure, some relief, some fucking human contact that doesn’t end in pain.
He’s going to have to do that again. He’s going to end up raping this boy again.
Nathan vomits, his muscles jerking in protest. He heaves again and again until they go dry. Then he gives himself 10 seconds to rest his head in his hands and throw a personal pity party before forcing himself to his feet. He gargles mouthwash while spraying bleach onto the toilet, then flushes the toilet and spits into the sink. He splashes cool water on his face before wiping it with a towel.
Then Nathan reminds himself that he is not the victim in this situation, he’s the monster, and he shuts his feelings down to go tend to Carter instead.
Carter is sitting exactly where he was placed before, his toes grazing the floor, his shoulders curled inward, his eyes staring at the wall without seeming to see it. His face has dried tears streaked across it. There’s the slightest tremble to his muscles, only noticeable if you’re studying him as carefully as Nathan is.
“How about a bath?” Nathan suggests as he carefully scoops the boy into his arms and carries him into the bathroom. Carter doesn’t answer. It could be because he didn’t hear Nathan. Or because he’s lost the ability to speak. Or because he knows it’s not really his decision so he’s not going to bother giving his opinion. All perfectly valid, Nathan supposes.
He sits Carter on the counter and unclips his leash. The boy just blinks slowly at him.
“The best thing about this bathroom is the tub.” Nathan swallows hard. “Have you seen it? It’s huge. You’ll love it.”
Carter just stares at him. Or, more accurately, he just stares rightthroughhim.
“Okay,” Nathan whispers, more to himself than anything. He shrugs out of his jacket and rolls up his sleeves before kneeling on the marble steps in front of the large whirlpool tub. He turns the water on and chooses the crystal bottle full of what he hopes will be the most relaxing bath oil out of the ones he has. After, he grabs the long lighter on the shelf nearby and begins lighting candles, first the ones around the tub, then the others throughout the bathroom. Lastly, he puts two towels on the towel warmer. Then he heads back to Carter.
The boy has been watching him the whole time, his eyes quickly darting away when he’s caught. It’s progress. At least Carter is in the moment now. At least he’sreacting.
Nathan guides Carter off the counter, placing him on his feet. Carter’s hands tentatively come to rest on Nathan’s broad chest, his fingers pressing gently against the fabric of his dress shirt. He peeks up at Nathan through his lashes before looking down. It’s adorable, and it’s heartbreaking, and Nathan hates himself.
With a hand on the small of his back, Nathan leads Carter over to the tub. He helps him set his hands on one of the steps before gently pushing between his shoulder blades until Carter is bent over. Carter starts shaking again. Nathan strokes his bare hip, trying to calm him. “I’m not going to hurt you, sweetheart. I’m just removing your plug.”
