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Carter hangs his head between his shoulders, looking defeated. He stops shaking so hard, but he still whimpers when Nathan’s fingers close around the flared end of the toy. Nathan tries to be as fast and clinical as he can without hurting him. When it’s removed, he tosses it in the sink to be dealt with later and tells Carter he can stand up.
Nathan tries very hard not to be distracted by the way his cum slowly slides out of Carter’s hole and down his leg. Very, very hard.
He clears his throat. Twice. “Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Go on, then.” Nathan walks over to the tub and checks the water, turning it up a notch in temperature. He keeps his back to Carter, pretending he couldn’t care less about him in an attempt to give him some privacy. The rule about the bathroom door remaining open wasn’t something Nathan really thought through when he made it, but he can’t do anything about that now. Going back on his rules will just undermine his authority, no matter how stupid or inconvenient the rules are.
Deciding that he’s probably had his back turned long enough, Nathan pivots on his foot and faces Carter again. The boy is in the middle of wiping his ass, his face beet red even though he’s not looking at Nathan. He flushes while still sitting down, not standing until the toilet is finished running and he’s sure the toilet bowl is empty. When he finally looks at Nathan again, his eyes are glazed with unshed tears, his cheeks still pink.
“Undress me, sweetheart,” Nathan says. “Just like last night.”
Silently, Carter steps forward and sinks to the floor. He winces when the marble digs into his knees, his hands trembling as they work the laces of Nathan’s shoes. Following the same order as Nathan instructed the previous night, he works his way through Nathan’s clothing. He needs help with Nathan’s tie, his hands fumbling with the knot, but he handles the rest perfectly. When he reaches Nathan’s briefs this time, he barely even hesitates before hooking his fingers into the waistband and guiding them down Nathan’s legs.
When Nathan is standing naked in front of him, Carter’s chin lifts up, his pretty blue eyes looking at Nathan in both fear and curiosity. Nathan can’t help but give into temptation. Just for a second. Just one single second.
Nathan reaches down and pulls Carter to his feet, cupping the sides of the boy’s face and leaning in before he can come to his senses. Carter gasps into the kiss, his body tensing. The reaction only lasts for a moment before Carter’s melting against him, his small hands clinging to his shoulders, the front of his naked body pressing harder against Nathan’s. He starts to move his lips in excitement, almost taking over. Nathan makes sure not to allow a complete shift in control, needing to maintain the illusion that he’s in charge, but he lets Carter push further than he probably should. He knows the boy must be overjoyed by the intimacy.
He knows that he is at least.
Nathan forces himself to break the kiss sooner than he’d like. He has to press a hand to Carter’s chest after, stopping the boy from chasing him. Carter sways in front of him, flushed and panting, his pupils blow with lust.
“I can make you feel good,” Nathan says breathlessly. “Iwantto make you feel good. If you justletme, justtrustme, you can feel good too. This doesn’t have to be hell for you.”
“It’s still rape,” Carter whispers. He steps back and wraps his arms around his waist, not looking at Nathan. “If you’re trying to make yourself feel less guilty, then give it up. I don’t care if you manage to get me hard or make me come. It’s still rape.”
Nathan feels bile burning his throat again. He swallows hard. “I know. It’s not about that. I don’t feel guilty. I’m not a good man. But I wasn’t lying before. I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why you only have a few simple rules instead of a long ass list that will set you up for failure. That’s why I try to help you relax when I use you. I don’t get off on causing pain. I get off on control.”
“So, you want to control my pleasure?” Carter snaps, his eyes shooting daggers at Nathan. A burst of relief ignites in Nathan’s chest.There he is.Nathan didn’t lose him after all. “Because controlling every other aspect of my life, down to when I get to take a shit or eat a fucking meal, isn’t enough for you?”
Nathan shouldn’t let this slide. He needs to shut it down. Remind him of his place. Mildly threaten him.
Instead, Nathan looks him in the eye, being as honest as he’s allowed to be. “I’m not going to stop using you. I’m not going to get bored of you. I can get off without you feeling pleasure, you’ve seen evidence of that. Is it my favorite way? No. But that really doesn’t matter much. So, you fighting this? That’s not hurting me. That’s not sticking it to me somehow. That’s not you gaining some illusion of control. That’s just you being a fuckingidiotby making your life as a slave miserable instead of bearable.”
Carter looks off to the side, blinking rapidly. He opens his mouth twice, but he never says anything, seeming to be speechless.
“So,” Nathan says carefully, releasing a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “You think on that. Let me know what you decide.
The boy nods, once, the movement sharp. His teeth are clamped down on his bottom lip.
“Let’s get you in the bath now.” Nathan puts a hand on Carter’s back and walks him toward the tub, surprised when the boy allows it without even flinching at his touch. He helps Carter up the marble steps, holding his hand as the boy climbs into the deep basin. Carter sits on the curved bench beneath the water’s surface before looking up at Nathan, the water gently lapping at his collarbone as it settles around him.
Nathan climbs in next, choosing a spot on the bench with a little distance from Carter. He suddenly feels like he’s back in high school, naked in the showers with his high school crush after gym class, trying his best not to get hard while the dude talks about fucking chicks.
Closing his eyes, Nathan shoves those memories down – shovesTravisdown – and sinks further into his Nathan persona. Just because they’re alone doesn’t mean he can stop being Nathan. He can be gentle, yes, relaxed, sure, but notTravis. Not human. It hurts too much when he lets himself be human.
“Sir?”
Nathan opens his eyes, notching his chin to look over at Carter. The boy is staring down at the water, his hands gently playing with the bubbles, gathering them in a pile and dispersing them before doing it all over again. “Yes?”
“Sorry, I – am I allowed to do that?” Carter peeks at him through his lashes before returning his gaze to the water. “Am I allowed to talk to you first like that? I’m… not sure of the rules.”
“You may talk to me, yes. Do exactly as you just did. If I ignore you, don’t pester me, but most of the time I’ll be happy to see what’s on your mind.”
Carter nods. He parts his lips twice before closing his mouth for good, his lips curling into a frown. It’s clear that he has something to say but doesn’t have the courage to say it.
Nathan pulls it from him. “Did you want to say something? Or maybe ask me something?”
