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“Okay.” Carter takes a deep breath. There’s a part of him that doesn’t want to do this. It’d be so much easier to just give in. To forgive Nathan. To accept his care and sink into his familiar hold and just fuckingbreathefor a minute.
But how can he do any of that when one glimpse of the man sends him spinning into turmoil?
“I’ll stay in Benny’s room.”
A long silence stretches between them. Carter is proud of himself for not breaking first, knowing Nathan is trying to get Carter to look at him. Nathan gives in eventually with a heavy sigh. “Alright. Let’s get you to Benny then.”
Nathan deactivates his security system before opening the door for Carter to walk first. He had expected to have to strip down. To crawl. To put on a show. He realizes why that’s not the case when he sees the opposite end of Nathan’s private hallway is where Benny’s own bedroom is. The man opens the door just seconds after Nathan’s first set of knocks. His eyes go from Nathan to Carter before settling back on Nathan.
“Can you take him?” Nathan asks in a hoarse voice that does awful things to Carter’s heart.
“Of course.” Benny opens his door wider and gives Carter a soft smile. “Come on in, kid.”
Carter steps into the bedroom, turning on his heel immediately so his back isn't facing the two men. It's the craziest thing, but he feels more on edge now than he had before finding out the truth. All precedent is out the window now. He has no fucking idea what to expect.
“Nate?” Benny asks quietly. “You good?”
“Yeah. He's just - he needs to eat. And drink some water. And fucking sleep. In your bed. Make him sleep in your bed, okay? No fucking closet floors. And he sometimes has bad dreams, so just make sure you're there if he needs you. And don't touch him or go by him unless he says. Oh, he's afraid of the dark. You can't - don't put him in the dark. He-" Nathan's voice cracks, which is the final straw for Carter. He can't stop himself from looking up at the man in the doorway. When their eyes lock, it's Nathan who flinches and looks away. "He wants space, so just… give him space. But don't leave him alone because, well, you know..."
Instead of acknowledging any of what Nathan just said, Benny steps closer and drops his voice low. “You good, brother?”
“Yeah. Yes. Of course. I’m – I’m fuckingsolid.” Nathan gives a thumbs up, which would almost be comical if they weren’t in the situation they’re currently in. “I’ll be around if… anyone needs me.”
“Roger that.”
Nathan takes a step back before stopping to blurt out, “Harry Potter!”
Benny shakes his head. “I’m not following.”
“The movies. Buy them for him. He – he likes Harry Potter. Makes him smile.”
Carter turns away then. He has to. It’s the only way he manages to hold on to the final shred of his resolve.
The moment Benny shuts the door, Carter allows himself to deflate on the edge of the man's bed. He's filled with a sudden, overwhelming desire to be hugged. His body fucking aches with it. He bites down on his bottom lip and digs his nails into his palms. It helps, but barely.
“I’m going to order some food,” Benny says softly after a full minute of silence has passed. “Then you should get some rest. Does that sound okay?”
No. None of this is okay.
Carter nods.
“Feel free to get in the bed whenever you feel ready. Or would you like me to get you fresh sheets and blankets first?"
Carter looks over his shoulder at the rest of the bed. Everything is in shades of cream and gold. It's been made properly, every pillow in place, the blanket taut, the corners tucked beneath the mattress. Making the bed was something Nathan never bothered with. He finds himself wondering why that is. It's a military thing. Maison started doing it after basic, and Benny does it as well.Does Nathan not do it because of his separation from Travis? Does he not do it as a small rebellion against his situation?
Does it fucking matter?
“Carter?” Benny gently prompts.
“It’s fine. I’ll move… soon.”
“Take your time, kid.”
That’s the scary part though, isn’t it?Carter’s not quite sure there’ll ever be enough time.
