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Speechless, Carter just stands there and stares at the man. He’s torn between punching him and kissing him. Between telling him to fuck off and telling him he still loves him. Between agreeing that he is selfish and telling him it’s okay for it to be unfair tobothof them.
“Time,” Carter whispers. "I just… need some time. To sort this all out. To figure out how I even feel about any of this. You flipped my entire fucking world when you bought me, and now it's flipped again. I just need some time. Some space to breathe."
“Take all the time and space you need." Nathan flinches. "Well, to a point… I can probably only buy you maybe one more day before the men get too suspicious. Benny says they're already asking where the fuck the two of us are. I'll give you one more day to recuperate, but… they're not idiots. They know you should be recovered by now. I could say I punished you for something again, and that you're hurting too much and I don't feel like being slowed down by you, but then when they see you, they'll expect fresh bruises and shit." Nathan tosses a hand up in the air and huffs. "See? This is what I'm talking about. Trying to balance everything. Trying to take care of you and please them and keep everything looking normal so I don't fuck up an operation I've spent nearly all of my adult life working on. An operation that's estimated to save thousands of people, if not more, plus any future victims that would have been put into the ring if it wasn't dismantled. I'm not trying to give excuses, what I've done to you is fucking wrong, but just… do you at least see it? What I've had to try and do?"
“Yeah,” Carter whispers, because he does. He sees it. All of it.
Nathan tracing the curve of his spine the first night they spent together. “Just let go, sweetheart. Let everything go. Give it all to me.”
Nathan pulling Carter close as he straddles Nathan’s lap, encouraging Carter to let himself feel good. “Make yourself come on my cock, sweetheart.”
Nathan whipping his ass, Carter’s body collapsing, piss soaking the sheets beneath him. “Broke rule four, got’ow bed ‘n I’m so - so sorry, sir. I’m really, really sorry, sir. Please. I’m sorry.” And his men, outraged that Carter had pissed the bed, saying he should be punished further, asking to watch, and Nathan snapping at them for no reason Carter was able to understand at the time. “I think you’ve all gotten to see enough. Goodbye.”
Nathan gently wiping him clean, stroking him, looking desperate and sad. “Why’d you do it, sweetheart? Why’d you leave me?” Carter admitting the truth. “You made me feel so good, sir. You - you made me want you. I don’t want to want you.” And Nathan telling him it’s okay. Telling him not to run again. “Let yourself feel good, sweetheart. Let yourself want me. Lord knows I want you.”
Nathan’s men slapping his sore ass, making fun of him for his exhaustion, saying Nathan is going to punish him because of it, making him shake in fear. Nathan holding him close in the privacy of his office, promising he’s not in trouble, asking him why he didn’t sleep, telling him he’s sorry that Carter had nightmares. Carter sleepy in Nathan’s arms, Nathan’s cock buried in his ass. “Go ahead and sleep, sweet boy. Get some rest.”
Nathan looking at him in awe, breathless, still buried in his ass after filling him up with cum, Carter admitting things he shouldn’t. “Only one, sir. Only person to ever make me feel like this.” And Nathan pulling him close, kissing him hard. “Wanna know a secret, sweetheart? You’re the only person to ever make me feel like this too.”
Nathan finding out Carter was a virgin when he raped him for the first time. The emotion on his face that Carter couldn’t place. The way his voice broke. “You were a virgin? Before I - before the auction, you were a virgin?”
Carter saying he’s glad Nathan is who bought him and Nathan agreeing. “Because I’m Maison’s brother?” Nathan not hesitating. “No. Because you’re you.”
The other slaves talking about how gentle Nathan is with them. How he’s the best of them all. That he pets their hair and makes them come, not even fucking them, just using their mouths. “Hot damn. He’s a godsend.”
Nathan coming to find Carter at the drink cart, distraught, taking in the marks on his body that Henley had left, kissing Carter violently, desperately, fucking him against the wall. “Mine. You're fucking mine.” The pain in his eyes when he looked at Carter after. The way he seemed terrified to let Carter walk away, even as he forced him to. “Don't make our night worse. Please. Go back to Todd.”
The two of them whispering about how much they hated the other being with someone else. Carter worrying he's not good enough. Nathan promising him he's the best, he's the only one Nathan wants. Carter on the cusp of sleep, hearing Nathan whisper to him in secret. “I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.”
A bottle of soap in the shower, Carter teasing him. “Big bad mobster with dry skin.” Carter soaping up Nathan’s gorgeous body, the two of them joking about the big bad wolf. “Are you going to eat me all up, Nathan?” Nathan’s eyes flashing with dangerous lust. “It’s tempting, little red.”
Nathan making them pause, reminding Carter he still has his consent, he can still say no. “I’m using it. Fuck me, Nathan. Fuck me like I’m yours. Like what we had today could be real.”
Nathan drunkenly climbing into bed, Carter pretending to be asleep as the man tucks him in and kisses his face. “God, Carter, I wish I could save you from this. I wish I could save you from me. You'd be so much better off with Travis. He'd be good to you. He'd know how to love you better.”
Nathan begging him to behave at the party, looking devastated and betrayed when he didn't. “Don’t you remember what I told you would happen if you did something like this? Why do you always have to fucking ruin everything?” Nathan conflicted, hurting him one minute, his touch going gentle the next. Nathan and Benny arguing, Benny telling him he can’t stop hurting Carter yet. Carter unable to stop sobbing. “I know. Fuck, I know. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you. You’ve done so well. Taken your punishment so fucking well. Such a good boy. My good, good boy.”
Carter sick, Nathan looking out of his mind with worry, fussing with his pillows and blankets, with his IV, getting him his moose, making sure he has water, checking his forehead, not stopping until Carter begged him. “Can you jus'... lay with me? 'N - 'n hold me?”
Blinking back tears and forcing himself to keep his hands at his sides so he doesn't reach for the man he still fucking loves, Carter tries to meet him halfway. Because he does see it.He sees all of it.
"I need time and space, but I'll go with you tomorrow to work. I'm not going to be the reason all those people don't get saved."
“Carter-”
“I’m going to go back in the closet now.”
“Please don’t.”
“I can’t do this with you, okay? I can’t… be with you right now. I can’t look at you. It’s too hard.”
Nathan nods as if he expected that. "Let me get you some food. Then I'll go to my office. Benny will come sit with you. Or you can go to Benny’s room. He’ll give you the bed so you can get some proper rest. I’d feel more comfortable if you were at least letting one of us take care of you right now.”
Carter wants to be strong. Stubborn. He wants to tell Nathan and Benny that they can go fuck themselves. But a bed sounds amazing. Food and water even better.Doesn’t he deserve to let himself be taken care of, if only for a few hours?
“Does Benny have Maison’s number?” Carter asks a spot on the wall near Nathan’s head.
“Yes. He does nightly checks with him too.”
