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Carter deflates in relief, pressing knuckles to his lips to keep from sobbing. “Just…sir,” he begs, because he can’t. He can’t do it. Any of it. He just can’t right now. “Sir.”
“Okay,” Nathan -sir- whispers. He moves, but Carter keeps his eyes closed. That’s why he startles when he’s picked up. He blinks his eyes open just long enough to gain his bearings, wrapping his arms and legs around the strong man holding him, then lets his eyes fall closed again, forcing himself to give up all control. There’s a safety in the helplessness - at least, a mental one. “Sir has you, sweetheart. Sir’s got you. You’re alright now. I’ll take care of everything.”
Carter doesn’t yell at him for usingsweetheartthis time. He thinks maybe it’s alright, since it’s not really Carter and Nathan right now. It’s like they’re playing a game. A dangerous game. One with the power to break Carter past the point of repair, just like the monster wants.
It’s a game worth playing. Carter felt like the weight of the world had been dropped on him when he found out the truth. It’s been crushing him. He was dying, and sir is setting him free now. It’s like he can fucking breathe again.
“Sir,” he says quietly, anchoring himself to the word. To the title. To the man. “Sir.”
“Shhh.” Sir sits on the bed with Carter in his arms. Carter becomes aware of warm, wet skin and realizes the man’s towel probably fell off. He doesn’t care. He’s not sure he’d care if the man fucked him right now. Anything to feel grounded again. Anything to make his world make sense.
Warm hands slide up Carter’s back, taking their time to feel every inch of his bare skin. He shudders at the gentle touch. Sir’s callouses feel good. Familiar. They call up goosebumps along Carter’s body.
Lips press against Carter’s temple before resting there. He thinks sir might be breathing him in. He holds perfectly still for the man, wanting to give him anything and everything right now. He’ll regret it later - Carter knows he will - but it feels so damn good. He just needs to fucking breathe for a minute before he forces himself to be the angry, betrayed man he’s become.
“I’ve missed you so damn much,” sir whispers, his warm breath making Carter shiver.
“Me too, sir,” Carter allows himself to admit. “Me too.”
“Benny says you didn’t sleep very well last night.”
Carter nibbles on his bottom lip, shame bubbling up inside him. “Sorry, sir.”
“None of that, pet. Do you want to know a secret?” Carter nods. “I slept badly too. Barely slept at all.”
“Are you tired, sir?”
“Very much so, yes.”
“Me too, sir…”
“Let’s go to bed then, hmm?” Sir nuzzles the side of Carter’s neck before sighing. “Nothing sexual, just us together in bed. I think we’ll sleep a whole lot better then, don’t you, sweetheart?”
Carter sniffles, a tear falling down his right cheek. “Yes, sir.”
“I’m going to go get dressed then. You stay right here and get comfortable, okay?” Sir rolls him over and tugs a blanket over him, tucking him in and pressing a kiss to his forehead before giving him a hesitant, warm smile that melts Carter’s heart.
“Sir?” Carter asks, his hand darting out to grab at sir’s fingertips before he can step away.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Just stay please. I don’t care if you’re naked.”
Sir looks conflicted for a moment, but then he climbs into the bed and settles beside Carter.
Carter curls up on his pillow and burrows beneath the blankets, startling when his hand hits something beneath them. He brushes them aside to see that it’s his stuffed moose. He pauses, his hand gently curled around it, and looks up at sir.
Sir stops halfway through fixing the blankets when he sees what Carter found. Guilt flashes in his expression. “I… should have brought that to you. I’m sorry.”
“You knew it was here?”
“Yes.” Sir’s cheeks go red. “I missed you. Having it… helped.”
The walls Carter has worked so hard on building begin to crumble.
Sir lowers himself to his pillow, carefully arranging the blankets. There’s about an arm’s length between them across the mattress. He eyes Carter for a moment before carefully placing his hand over Carter’s where it’s covering the stuffed moose. Carter twitches his fingers so there’s more space between them, letting sir’s fingers slide in the gaps of his own.
They fall asleep holding the tiny stuffed animal together.
