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Chapter Five
Nathandoesn’tmanagetosleep long, his subconscious too focused on the very real possibility that he'll wake up to a Carter that once again wants nothing to do with him. He doesn't mind the lack of sleep, though. Not when it gives him the chance to study the boy beside him, soaking in every detail he didn't manage to appreciate before telling him the truth that ruined everything.
Before, he had been too focused on what he was going to say and all the ways things could go. Now, he already knows things are wrecked. He's already heartbroken. He's already lost the boy beside him. Now, at least, he can let himself just enjoy Carter himself.
His cupid’s bow lips.
The way his nose twitches every once in a while when he breathes.
The subtle dip in his chin.
His long lashes kissing the tops of his cheeks.
A constellation of freckles scattered across his skin.
The single strand of hair at the crown of his head that stubbornly grows the wrong way.
His blue eyes that are –oh,open.
“You’re awake,” Nathan whispers, like an idiot.
“You’re being creepy again,” Carter counters.
“I am.” Taking a chance, Nathan cautiously lifts his hand to touch Carter's cheek. The boy goes still, his breath catching, but he doesn't say anything. He just stares at Nathan, blue eyes wary. "I've missed you, remember?"
The boy frowns. “Are you still being sir?”
Nathan strokes his buttery soft skin. “Is that the only way I get to keep doing this?”
“I think so, yeah…”
“Then yes, I’m still sir.” Nathan sighs, realizing that can't be true. They need to talk, and the necessary conversation needs to be between Nathan and Carter. He gives himself five more seconds, tracing the boy's delicate features, then pulls his hand away. "We should be Nathan and Carter again, actually. If you're ready for that."
Carter sighs, the sound heavy and mournful. He sits up and tugs the blankets up around himself. “Carter here.”
Nathan sits up and turns so they’re mirroring each other. “Nathan here.”
“Not Travis?”
“I’d rather not. I like to keep him protected from this world when I can, remember?”
“Right…” Carter’s lips twist into a strange smile. “I wish I had a third me.”
Nathan shrugs. "When this is all over and we both need extensive therapy, your therapist will probably be happy to just have to deal with 2 of you. Mine will have 4. I'll be lucky if I don't end up in a straight jacket or something.”
“You’re going to therapy after this?”
“No.” Nathan smiles. “But I hope you do. You deserve to leave this all behind. To recover.”
The boy’s eyebrows pull in. “Nathan, you deserve that too.”
“We’re getting off topic,” Nathan says, waving a hand like he can shoo the ridiculous thought of him deserving redemption away. "Benny is buying Casey."
Carter goes perfectly still. “That’s not funny.”
“You’re correct, it's not. In fact, there's a very good chance it will get us all killed. Or worse. But, as Benny likes to not-so-lovingly point out, I'm weak when it comes to you. Dangerously so." He shrugs, his lips twisting into a self-deprecating smirk. "So, you win. He's working on the deal now. All goes well, Casey will be here in 48 hours - give or take."
“Really?”
