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Rolling over onto her side, cringing when it caused the book to slide off the bed and hit the hard wood floor with a loud thud, she gritted her teeth and urged herself,it is well past time to sleep, Daisy.
Yet the moment she closed her eyes again, all she could see was his blue eyes. All she could feel were his lips upon hers and the way her heart had skipped several beats, the way his hands had cupped her face, and she had instinctively gripped hold of his wrists to stop him from pulling away.No, I intended to push him away!she snapped at herself.
It was the only explanation for her reaction. She had meant to push him away and tell him never to touch her again. At least, that is what she told herself because the alternative was too frightening.
Eventually, she managed to drift off to sleep only to realise that her dreams were plagued by him also. It was infuriating, nauseating, and intoxicating all in equal measure, and when she awakened the next morning, she was even more exhausted than she had been the night before.
And her thoughts did not subside for days. Everything seemed to remind her of him, from the books in the library to the china teacups that she had shared with him several times for refreshments in the library during their study sessions. She was excited to see him again, pleased as the day drew nearer and nearer when she could finally share another lesson with him and maybe even figure out exactly what had occurred between them.
Perhaps it had been a mere fluke, and nothing of the sort would ever happen again between them. Or maybe it was something far more serious than that. Either way, Daisy wished to see him. Along with her inquisitive mind, she was also a practical woman and wished to have all the facts. She did not like guessing games and uncertainties.
Sitting in the library awaiting him, Daisy glanced at the grandfather clock several times. As if she could sense her growing nerves, Daisy’s lady’s maid spoke up, “I am sure he will be here shortly, My Lady.”
“I am sure you are right,” Daisy responded quickly, snatching her attention away from the grandfather clock. She did not wish anyone, even the maid, to know just how much he was affecting her. She didn’t even wish to admit it to herself even now as her stomach was churning with nerves, and she was fighting the urge to weep at the thought that he was not coming.
She was just beginning to grow frustrated with herself, preparing to get up and pace the room to work off some steam when there was a knocking upon the door. Instinctively, Daisy rose to her feet from where she had been sitting on the couch, prepared to curtsey her usual greeting to the man who had become her tutor.
Instead, the butler entered the room, looking quite apologetic as he hurried forth to offer her a letter sitting upon a silver tray in his hands. Daisy’s stomach twisted the moment that she saw it. Even before she picked up the envelope, she recognised Mr Radcliffe’s handwriting. Though they rarely took notes, preferring to bounce ideas and thoughts off each other rather than writing anything down, there had been a few instances where Mr Radcliffe had insisted upon writing something for her so that she could keep it to revise or even to look up a book or two while he was away.
The letter that she picked up from the silver tray now would not be one that she added to that pile. In fact, she found herself wishing that she could throw them all away the moment she began to read what was contained in the letter.
Dear Lady Lockhart,
Forgive the lateness of this letter. I would have sent it sooner had I the foresight to do so, but some unforeseen circumstances have occurred, which leave me unable to attend our tutoring session today.
Please forgive me for any inconvenience caused.
Your Sincerely,
Mr Radcliffe
Daisy read the letter over and over again just to be sure that she hadn’t missed something. Though it was only a few sentences long, Daisy couldn’t help feeling as though she must have missed something or perhaps she was supposed to read between the lines because there was no explanation or reason why the earl’s son had missed their session.
Frustrated and bordering on being vexed, Daisy forced herself to remain calm as she placed the letter back on the silver tray proffered to her by the butler. He remained silent, bowing his head as he awaited instruction. Daisy, unable to speak due to her anger, gestured him from the room with a wave of her hand.
I was determined to put an end to these sessions, and yet here I am, upset that my tutor has decided not to attend,she thought grimly, unable to believe just how pathetic she had become in the short time that Mr Radcliffe had been tutoring her.
Yet the moment the butler was gone, she dropped back down onto the couch with her head in her hands, fighting back the tears. Never in a million years would she have been able to imagine the kind of heartache she felt the moment she saw the letter sitting on that silver tray; never could she have imagined how much it would hurt to read the words and know she would not be seeing him that day.
And yet even though she was angry that he had not attended, she was also concerned, unable to stop herself from thinking,what if something is the matter? What if he is injured or even sick, or he has lost a family member?
The strange and sudden urge to go and comfort him was almost uncontrollable, and she wished so badly that she could slap herself and cause herself enough pain to snap out of whatever was happening inside her. Whatever it was, she didn’t like it, and she wanted no more to do with it.
“My Lady?” her maid’s voice startled her, and when she looked up from between her hands, she saw that the young girl was holding out a white square handkerchief. “Forgive me, but you appear to need this.”
Daisy bit back the urge to scold the girl, not out of anger but out of humiliation. Never would she ever have allowed herself to be seen in such a light if she had any control of her emotions.
It was frustrating, humiliating, and not at all like her to be unable to control herself. Even the maid looked a little startled when she saw the tears pricking the corners of Daisy’s eyes, though she said nothing and silently continued to hold the handkerchief out with her gaze averted.
“Thank you,” Daisy said through gritted teeth, taking the handkerchief from the young girl as she decided that it was better to accept it gratefully than try to make out there was nothing wrong. They both knew there was, and it would do neither of them any good to try and skim over the fact.
“Is there anything I can do, My Lady?” the maid asked, and Daisy hid behind the handkerchief for a moment, hiding her face from the maid as she quickly tried to think of something, anything she could get the maid to do that did not involve standing over her, watching her cry uncontrollably over a man she claimed had no effect over her.
“I … I … no,” Daisy said firmly once she had managed to recollect herself. Sucking in a breath and sniffling against the buildup of tears in the back of her nose, she pushed herself to her feet and decided, “I think that instead of studying this morning, I shall go for a walk in the garden.”
“Of course, My Lady.” The maid nodded and gave a small curtsey, preparing to follow Daisy from the room.
“I think I should like to go alone,” Daisy added. The very last thing she wanted right now was for the maid to follow her around like a little lost sheep while she attempted to come to terms with all that she was feeling, while she tried to distract herself from the fact that right now, on a normal tutoring session, their time would have run right over, and they would still be chattering away about whatever subject they had chosen for their lesson. It hurt her heart to think of it, and she couldn’t wait to get out of the library.
