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Tally stops flouring the counter. Her eyes lock with mine. “I’m allowed to be annoyed with you. Not once did you contact me. You contacted Sybil but not me. Not Mabel, either, and I’m surprised the boys even welcomed you back like they did.” She huffs out a breath and shuffles on her feet before dropping her gaze back to what she was doing.
“I get it. I’m the one who walked away. There was nothing stopping anyone from reaching out to me, either.” I keep my words even and calm. Anger isn’t the answer here. I’m sure Mabel is going to have her say as well. They have every right to feel how they want.
She throws the dough onto the floured counter, and it blows up and covers her black flour-covered apron. “That’s not the point, Dee. You left.You left. You went withhim,and where the hell is he now, huh? You’ve come crawling back. Why? What do you want?” As she speaks each of her words it’s like I’m being whipped over and over. The sting ripples through my body.
I bite my lip to refrain from losing my composure. My eyes burn with unshed tears. If only she knew the truth. I could tell her, but I’m not ready to talk about Eli with her in this state. I’m not throwing that at her and then having her feel bad about slandering him.
Tally continues, “Why did you come home, Dee? What’s so important that youhaveto be here?” Her words tremble, and instead of answering her questions, I step around and come to stand in front of her, pulling her into my arms.
A tear slides down my face. I hate my family seeing me weak. Reaching up, I swipe it away and let the mixture of love, hurt, and anger swirl around us like a tornado. I say the only thing I can at this moment. “I’m sorry.”
TALLY DIDN’T ACKNOWLEDGE MY APOLOGY, but it’s a start, so I leave her to her baking. It’s clear I have some fences to mend with my siblings—that’s a lot of work to do. I should’ve done better. It was Dad I had the problem with, and I held the words he slung at me against all of them.
After grabbing my bags from the car, I make my way back through the front door and head upstairs. Pictures of myself and my siblings line the walls—me with my ribbons at the horse shows, the boys in their bull-riding outfits and holding their trophies, Tally dressed up as a cowgirl for Halloween with Sybil as a little witch and Odette a ghost. I chuckle to myself because Odette has her hands in the air, spinning once again. This wall was Mom’s pride and joy. She was always updating the pictures or shuffling them around.
Slowly, I make my way down the hallway. I pass all the rooms and stop at the study’s closed door—Mom’s little library. I’m suddenly whipped back to a time when we’d sit in there. We’d read and have lots of chats and laughs together.
I drop my bags. My hand hovers over the handle. I grip it and turn, and the door welcomes me back with its familiar creak as I push it open. A dusty, musty smell hits my nose and causes me to cough.
I’m met with darkness.
The curtains are closed.
Reaching in, my hand hits the wall until I find the light switch and flick it on.
A tidal wave of sadness washes over me as I take in the room. White sheets cover all the furniture and the bookshelves that line the walls.
Why is it like this?
The window seat where Mom and I used to sit is also covered. The floors are the only thing not shrouded in white. I walk over. Dust lines the window ledge. It’s like they’ve covered over the memories I hold most dear. I can’t deal with this right now. I race back out the way I came, clicking the light off and shutting the door behind me. I take one deep breath after another to calm my erratic heart.
“When you left, Dad shut the door and never went back in there.”
I whirl around toward Hudson’s gentle voice. “Why?” I sob.Oh goodness, when did I start crying?
His broad shoulders shrug. “No one knows for sure. My guess is that it was Mom’s room first, and he lost her, then it became your room, and he lost you too. Perhaps he didn’t want to risk losing another person he loves.”
My chest tightens. “Oh, Hud…” My legs crumble beneath me. Hudson quickly gets to me before I’m on the floor. “I messed up everything.”
He pulls me tightly against him, holding me upright. “No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did. Everyone is mad at me, but no one understands anything that I’ve been through.”
“That’s because you haven’t told us. We haven’t spoken.”
“And I don’t want to. Not right now. It’s still too raw.” I cry into his shirt, gripping him tightly. I need to put a lid on my emotions. Letting it out all at once isn’t a good idea. It’s too painful.
“I get it, Dee. I get it.”
“You think you get it, but none of you do. I’m fine with handling all the anger and hurt everyone has against me. I’ve dealt with much worse over the past three years.” I tear myself away from him and pick up my bags, turning my back to him and heading to yet another room that might maim me with memories.
Hudson doesn’t come after me.Good.I don’t want to talk anymore.
Opening the door, I keep the light off and go straight to the bed. I don’t care if it’s got dust all over it like Mom’s library. I collapse on top of the covers. My eyes close, and I’m swept into a nightmare.
A gentle knock on my door startles me awake. “Dee?” Sybil’s voice filters through from the other side.
“Yeah?” I respond, still trying to wake up. I glance out the window, and what little sun was shining through the crack in the curtains is gone. I’ve slept all afternoon. What time is it?
