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THIS PLACE IS MAGICAL. BEINGoutside in nature with the trees, and the sounds of creatures and birds is one place I can really feel like myself and not have the weight of everything slamming down on my shoulders. Not the drama of trying to find a seat for next year or the drowning thoughts of the looming anniversary of Anna-Beth’s death when I should be focusing on Ruby and her birthday.
I stop on the cabin’s small front porch as Delilah limps back up the dirt road. Feeling like a fool, I open the door and step inside. The silence is deafening and painful. It’s too quiet and makes me think way too much about Anna-Beth and her not being here to enjoy watching her girls grow up. Would we have had more kids? I wouldn’t have been against it.
I just bared it all to a complete stranger. Well, not all, but I don’t talk about my personal life with anyone other than family in case it’s used against me in the media. That’s the last thing I need right now. But Delilah seems different. It seems she protects herself and doesn’t let people in easily. I was going to ask about who she’d lost, but again, it’s not appropriate. I’m interested in getting to know her, though. A play date with the kids wouldn’t be a bad idea.
I go straight for the refrigerator and see how full it is. On the website, the Rose Ridge Ranch staff asks for a list of things we’d like stocked in our refrigerators. It’s a unique idea since many places don’t offer this service. I didn’t ask for much as I’d done a food shop when we passed through River Valley. We should be good for a while. I take a beer from the refrigerator and close it. I only allow myself this one and no more—it’s my wind down while the girls sleep.
After heading through the back door to a bigger patio, I sit at the little table and stare out at the rolling green hills surrounding us. The barn where Delilah was is in clear view from where I sit. The sound of a running creek fills my ears along with horses’ hooves clicking along the road. That’s when I see her again. She’s leading the horse that kicked her into the barn. She’s so gentle and tries to pet the horse, but it rears its head back from her.
I’m not sure I could be so calm in that situation. Horses are big creatures with hard hooves. I don’t fancy being stomped on anytime soon. If only people could hear my thoughts. I’m not scared of racing around a track at stupid speeds, but I’m afraid of a horse. That makes no sense.
My phone rings, and I grab it from my pocket before it can wake the girls. “Hey, Mom,” I answer.
“How was the trip, honey? How are my beautiful girls?”
I rest back in the seat and take another mouthful of my drink before answering, “The trip was great. The girls are so good when traveling. They’re asleep at the moment. They passed out the moment we got to the cabin.”
“That’s good. Do you need me to come help so you can have some time for yourself?”
“Mom, I can manage on my own for now. I’ll let you know if I need help. Thanks, though. They have a kids’ care thing here if I need some alone time. The entire place is nice. It’s run by a large family.”
“It sounds like a good vacation for you and at a good time with everything coming up.” That’s really why she wanted to come—to be here in case I needed her on that looming day. While I’m grateful to have a caring mother, sometimes she can be a little much.
“I know, Mom…” I pause, and before I can stop myself, I ask, “Mom, do you think it’s crazy to be drawn to someone after only having met them briefly?”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a girl here, and I saw her at the hospital the day of Anna-Beth’s accident. She wasn’t in a good state at the time, and the man with her gave off a bad vibe. He wasn’t very nice and came across as cold. Anyway, she’s here, and I found myself comfortable talking to her and wanting to spend time with her. Is that weird and somehow wrong?”
“Oh, Sebastian, that poor girl. What’s she doing there?”
“Her family owns this place.”
“Oh, wow. Perhaps there’s a reason behind you deciding to go. Things happen for a reason, Seb… that’s what I believe. If you’ve met her before and there she is again… there’s a purpose to it. Don’t run from it, embrace it.” Her words are gentle and hold so much meaning. I’m all for things happening for a reason, but it’s still crazy when it happens.
“I’m not sure how to handle it. It’s always been Anna-Beth, then the girls came along, and now it’s them.”
Mom laughs, and I’m not entirely sure why.
“What?”
“Seb, you don’t need to rush into marrying this girl. Simply talk to her. No crazy stuff. Just look at it like making a new friend.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Thanks for the tip, Mom, even though you made me feel like I was back in school.” I laugh jokingly.
“Sorry. Well, I just wanted to check in and see how you and the girls were doing.”
“We’re good, thanks, Mom. I’ll talk to you later.” We end the call, and I go back to listening to nature’s choir—the birds, the crickets, and the running creek. I glance in the direction of the barn again. She’s outside simply walking around the pen, inspecting things. What’s she planning on doing?
Her head turns in my direction, and our eyes meet. No words are spoken, but her piercing blue eyes burn into mine. There’s something there, hurt maybe. What happened to her? Who did she lose? There are so many questions that I want to know the answer to.
I want to help lift the burden she appears to be carrying.
EVERY STEP TOWARD THE HOMESTEADcauses my pulse to increase, and now I can’t get that thought out of my head. With each heartbeat, I’m wondering if it’s Sebastian’s wife’s heart that’s kept me alive and gave me life again so I could watch my girl grow up while she misses out on hers. It doesn’t seem fair.
Voices filter out of the front door as I get closer. Not voices—laughter. I grin, pulling the front screen door open and stepping inside. To my left, my siblings are sitting on the floor with Olive crawling all over them. I stop and lean against the wall, taking in the scene. Even Tally has made her way out of the kitchen to watch and grin from the other doorway that leads back into the dining room. Babies seem to have this kind of effect on people and sometimes manage to bring them closer together.
Olive had brought Eli and me closer after finally healing from my surgery. During the process, something within him changed. He’d bring Olive to me, let me cuddle her, and let me be a mother. He was the Eli I fell in love with here on the ranch. Then he was gone within months. Losing someone to suicide causes more pain, hurt, and confusion. I blamed myself—still do in some ways. I keep replaying old conversations in my head like a broken record. Then I’d question myself. Did I say something that made him feel worthless? Did I do this to him?
