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She gave me a kiss on the forehead.“Get some rest.We’ve got it.”
I succumbed to the mommying.She only wanted to take care of me, and, suddenly, I wanted to be taken care of.“Thanks.”
I trudged to the bedroom.I’d shower when I woke up.
Have you showered yet?
I sank onto the mattress and eyed my phone on the nightstand.I wanted to talk to Liam, but I wished it could be like before.Before I’d gotten front-seat insight into how good it was with him, and before the guilt and shock had taken over.
I couldn’t avoid him forever.I shouldn’t.I had to figure out how I felt.What he thought.Was he feeling just as guilty?Had he done it out of pity?A sense of duty?
I’ve got you, Kenny.I’ve got you.
Mom and Benji weren’t staying over, and Liam was leaving tomorrow afternoon.I sent a message.
Can you meet me at the park at 10 tomorrow?The boys can play and we can talk.
I stared at the screen, afraid of his answer.And after his message ofI’ll be therepopped up, I stared at it longer.
That was done.I had until tomorrow to figure myself out.But I also had to wait until tomorrow before I knew whether I’d blown the closest friendship I’d ever had.
Liam
There she was.The boys piled out of the truck and sprinted toward Kenny.I took my time, soaking up her beauty and how she embraced the kids.
Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and a wide cloth headband circled her forehead.She smiled easily at the boys, and the knot inside me loosened, but just a hair.
My boots hit the grass of the lawn and muffled my steps.We weren’t the only ones here.Two women sipped coffee on the other side of the park while their children played.I counted three others on the playground besides the two babies in the strollers by the women.
I knew why Kenny had chosen this park.I was leaving town today and didn’t want to be away from my kids.They could play where we could see them, and they couldn’t sneak up on us and accidentally hear what we were talking about.
I set a tea down by her.She used to drink coffee but had quit shortly after she’d broken down.First, I suspected she’d lacked the will to make coffee.Then I figured she wanted one less thing to be dependent on.
She rose, brushing her hands down her workout pants.They were leggings, but shorter and with brighter colors.Her shirt was some sort of athletic wear too.The material hugged her body.It wasn’t appropriate to notice her lush curves and remember the way she’d felt against me, but I did.
She straightened as the kids ran to the digger toys in the sand pit next to the play equipment.Her soft brown eyes met mine.“Hey.”
“Hey.”I’d never been this nervous around a woman.Since I’d gotten her message, I had distracted myself as much as possible.I’d worked in the shop and taken the boys fishing.
There was nothing as distracting as trying not to be impaled with hooks randomly flying around and constantly adding new bait.Add in the thousand questions I fielded about fishing, the river, and how many fish I’d caught in my life, what kind they were, were they slimy, and did they taste good, and I was lucky to remember my own name by the time we’d gotten home.
“How are you doing?”I asked.My biggest worry was that she’d have some sort of setback.I knew she’d been seeing a therapist, and for most of that year when she didn’t leave the house, I’d wondered what the hell good it had done.But I’d been grateful she had someone to turn to since she hadn’t been doing much talking to me.I didn’t want to return to that.I wanted her to be okay, and it seemed like a big ask, but I wanted her to be okay with us.
“Better.”Her frank answer surprised me.She gestured to the picnic tables under the shelter.We’d be far away from everyone and still have full sight of the playground.
We sat on the bench of a picnic table, side by side, facing out.Like buds.Not like two people about to have a personal conversation.
“I’m sorry I put you in that position,” she said.
Dejection hung heavy on my shoulders.She regretted it.“I’m sorry I didn’t stop us.”
She gazed at me, but I couldn’t meet her eyes.“Are you?”
I sensed fear and sincerity in her question.I could lie and say yes.Tell her that I shouldn’t have been in the bed in the first place.Tell her that we’re only friends.Confess some shit about how we were in the moment, that we weren’t thinking.
But I’d never been good at keeping my mouth shut.“No, Kenny.I’m not sorry.Truth is…” This time I looked at her.The open and searching expression on her fresh face encouraged me to keep going.I didn’t see regret.“I don’t know what to call how I feel about you, but I passed the just-a-friend stage at some point before I stretched out in the bed next to you, only I tried to deny it.”
Her eyes widened, then narrowed as she inspected me, but I kept going.
