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Chapter 12
Kennedy
“Oh,don’t worry about that, Kennedy dear.I’ll set the table.”
I’d been at Willow and Bruce’s for a half hour.Thirty minutes of Willow clucking all over me about the summer school I was teaching.Do you really think you want to go back full-time?Isn’t that a lot of pressure?I remember Derek talking about the stress you were under.
Yes.No job was stress-free.I wanted to be in charge of my own classroom.I wanted to get to know my students’ parents again.I wanted to be invested in their education.I could be that as a para, but not on the level I craved.The teacher designed the lesson plans, and I did what she told me to.It didn’t matter that I disagreed that Demi needed extra reading lessons.I suspected she was dyslexic.But Marion was in charge, and she made the final decision.She had put her in Title I, and Demi returned from the specialized lessons with her little shoulders hanging and red-rimmed eyes.
Since I wasn’t involved in conferences, I hadn’t been able to intervene when the Title I teacher accused the parents of not reading to Demi enough.Never mind that Demi’s two older siblings read just fine.
I would never have told a parent it was their fault.And I wouldn’t have turned down the offer to order specialized chairs for the fidgety kids when the principal came around to discuss budget.But I wasn’t in charge of a classroom.The old-fashioned teachers, like Mrs.Z, who had taught Liam and Derek in kindergarten, were still in power and vetoed the newer ways of thinking.I itched to challenge them, to add to the voices that got ignored because they lacked seniority at the school.
Willow took the plates out of the cupboard.
“I can get the silverware at least,” I said.My ass was hurting from sitting too long in the hard wooden chairs at the dining room table.
“Not at all.I’ve got it.”
I mentally sighed.Willow was like this, and I shouldn’t take it personally.She’d done everything domestic since she’d gotten married at nineteen.With two sons out working cattle and fixing fences, she was used to having no help and used to no one wanting to help her.
But after merely fetching tools for my coveted flooring job, it stung.
It didn’t help that my attitude was sour.The school year was approaching, and no jobs were opening up.Last night, I’d sat at the table and calculated my expenses compared to what I would make another year as a para.The expenses had won.
I hadn’t talked to Liam about my concerns yet.He’d told me about the bank appointment and his plans to sell his work to supplement what he could make from a job in the area.While I was with Bruce and Willow tonight, he’d planned to apply for jobs.I joined him in worrying that between the bank visit and the job applications, word would get back to Cameron and he’d start shit.
And I had no one else to talk to.Not about my concern for Liam.Not about my own job prospects.Not about a mortgage that was suddenly so much harder to pay on one income.Combine that with visiting Bruce and Willow, and I missed Derek.He wasn’t here to smirk when he knew I wanted to roll my eyes.He couldn’t tell me everything was fine.And he wouldn’t be on the drive home when we could talk about the good and bad parts of the visit.
Willow bustled around me, setting out plates, forks, knives, and glasses.I had to do something, so I filled the water pitcher without asking.Willow disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a steaming glass dish.Chicken and rice.Derek’s favorite.
Acid climbed up my throat.I set the water pitcher down and took a long breath in and out.Why was chicken and rice hitting me so hard right now?
“Smells delicious.”I’d made chicken and rice before, but it was one of those dishes that never tasted the same when I made it, and it didn’t matter if I used identical ingredients.
“Thank you.”She beamed.“It was Derek’s…” She pressed her lips as she set the dish down.I had my hands plastered on the top of the table.Her gaze landed on my ringless finger, and she paled.
I spread my fingers.“I was working on something and didn’t want it to get wrecked.I haven’t put it back on because…” I couldn’t go back in healing, and right now, that was what it would signal.
“You don’t have to explain it to me,” she said gently, but her eyes shone as she scurried away.
Should I go to her?Tears burned the backs of my eyes.I rapidly blinked.Why was today so hard?Just because I was a little stressed?
Bruce walked through the side entrance from the garage.Perfect timing.If he hadn’t, I wasn’t sure I’d win the battle against the tears.
“Smells good.”He glanced at me, his eyes crinkling in the corners, thankfully oblivious to my inner turmoil.“Sorry, I had to change a tire on the Ranger.”
“It’s no problem.”
Willow reappeared and acted like nothing had happened.We chatted through supper.Willow asked about the floor.I showed her pictures and threw in the ones with the faucet and the inside of the toilet tank.
Her eyes went wide.“You fixed that?All by yourself?”
I didn’t want to get into a discussion about Liam, but a burn of betrayal ignited as I left him out.“I watched videos, and Carlton set me up with the right supplies.”
Willow’s smile was serene until her gaze landed on Bruce’s.Concern filled her eyes and her gaze darted to me.
I tensed.Now what?
