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I should use the bathroom, too, but then I’d have to stand up.I’d have to fully acknowledge that I’d come here to have sex.And I’d had sex.And it was good.So damn good.And that if my mind could shut off, I’d want it again.The panic from earlier resurfaced, and my heart rate kicked up.
Liam reappeared, still naked, of course.So was I.I hugged the sheet to my chest.
He got into bed with slow, measured movements.He shut off the lamp, and we were bathed in shadows.
“You okay?”he asked quietly, scooting until he was close to me.I was tempted to find my clothes and run like I had the first time we’d done something together, but I craved his proximity.I needed him next to me.
I twisted my hands in the sheet as weight piled higher on my chest and my breathing burned.“I don’t think so.”
He embraced me and laid us both back, but I was as pliant as a two-by-four.
“Go ahead and cry, Kenny.It’s all right.”
I rolled into him and sobbed.
Liam
Kenny’s headwas buried in my armpit.Her fingers trailed across my chest.We’d dozed off and on after she’d finished crying.She was still here.That wiped out my regrets.
I had my own internal struggles.Was I betraying my friend?What would I tell him?How would I tell him?My life hadn’t been as entwined with Derek’s as Kenny’s had been.He’d been my best friend, like a brother to me.But I hadn’t spent every moment of every day with him.It’d been over a year since I’d typed out a message to him just to pretend for a moment that he was still there, waiting to answer and call me a jackass.
He’d been the first one I told when Payton announced she was pregnant.The guy I went to when Payton insisted we get married.The friend who reminded me that I was Eli and Owen’s father and I had rights, that I was able to not only raise them better than Payton could, but that I knew how to be a good dad because I realized how important it was to be there for them.
When I got custody of the boys, I’d called him.When I was frustrated that Cameron was trying to run me out of Coal Haven by ensuring I didn’t get hired within a sixty-mile radius of the town, Derek had given me the pep talk I needed to keep working in Williston and take care of my boys and Grandma Gin.
So, who would I tell that I’d had the most amazing night with the most special woman in my life?That it was someone I’d been friends with for years and had grown immeasurably closer to?That I wanted more, and I’d do what it took to make sure she trusted me with herself?That I’d never experienced this level of intimacy in my life, and I’d instantly craved more?
Kenny broke into my thoughts.“What are you thinking about?”
I could lie, but similar questions were on her mind.“How things have changed between us and that normally I’d talk to Derek about it but I can’t.”
“Yeah.Same.”
Silence settled between us for a few moments, but her fingers didn’t stop.I kept my mind off how soft her body was next to me.How she’d responded to my touch.How hard I’d climaxed.And that we were both naked.
“I have to go soon,” she said.
“It’s going to be a long day for you.”I kissed the top of her head.Her body was lined up with mine; we couldn’t be touching any more than if I were inside her, but I couldn’t help seeking more.“You don’t have to come to Bismarck with us today.”
“No, I’ll go.I can handle one night of hardly any sleep.”
She didn’t see my smile.It would be different to spend the day with her.There was a helluva secret between us now.“We’ll pick you up.”
She nodded, her satiny hair rubbing against my skin.I’d been fighting a second erection since I’d pulled out of her.I was losing.
Her touch went from light and distracted to firm and full of intention.“I have a little bit of time.”
If she was willing… “I have more condoms.”
The sun was starting to rise, lighting the room more than it had in the last few minutes.I snagged a new condom from the pack in my nightstand.I didn’t bring women to the house.And I didn’t fuck around a lot in Williston, but what I’d done had been just that.Fast, frantic coupling with someone who wanted less of a commitment than I did.
The only reason I was grateful for that experience was that I had protection handy.Kenny had never been on birth control, and I wasn’t going to put her through the emotional turmoil of wondering if she was pregnant and if she could become pregnant.
The image of Kenny, her belly round with my child, nearly made me choke.Suddenly, I wanted that.I wanted it all.
I shoved my fantasies into a box in my mind and locked it.Kenny and her figuring out her new life aside, I had my own mess of a life to straighten out.
“Can I?”She lifted the packet from my fingers.
