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Twenty-Four
Emery
I thought about what Mom had said all weekend. I’d made good on my claim that the kids and I had plans. We went Christmas shopping. We wrapped gifts. The three oldest helped me with Christmas baking and freezing.
During my break this morning, for a Monday pick-me-up, more to build my confidence than anything, I dropped off treats in the break room. Krystal was there, bragging about her weekend at Stetson’s place with his giant TV and his built-in bar in the basement and his snowmobile. Lyric was buried in her phone, ignoring the woman, and the pharmacy rep was smiling and nodding as if he knew who Stetson was.
The compliments on the candy cane cookies and peanut butter blossoms helped me fight back the swell of nerves that made me want to vomit sugary goodness all over the desk.
But work was done for the day. Mom said she’d throw one of my freezer meals in the oven and the family wouldn’t wait to eat. I had an errand to run once I left the clinic.
I peeked at my phone. I had a missed call, a number I didn’t recognize, but it was probably Henry’s law office. I’d been getting emails already, and I was going to have an ulcer before the year was over. Shoving all that out of my mind, I got into my car and drove out of town, taking a familiar route.
It’d been less than two weeks since I’d been here, but it felt like ages. My stomach flipped again and again. Was I doing the right thing? Was I too late?
I pulled into Holden’s place. I didn’t see his pickup. Everything looked locked up and like he wasn’t around.
I hadn’t planned for that.
Was he in town already? Was he at Rattler’s? Was Holly helping him forget that I dropped him the minute things got hard?
My gut said no. People assumed guys like Holden were indiscriminate, but he’d been incredibly discriminating. He wouldn’t use sex to soothe himself, and I had to believe there was more between us than a few days of hurt feelings before he moved on.
I went to his door and knocked. Sally barked from behind the barn and ran to me, her tail wagging. “Hey, girl. Your daddy home?”
Sally’s tail thumped on the wooden floorboards of the porch, and her tongue lolled out. Tabby came around the corner of the house and brushed against the siding. Her fur was puffy with her winter coat, and she trotted to me like she could talk me into letting her inside.
I wasn’t much different from the cat. Hanging around, hoping to be let in.
“Well, damn. What now?” Should I drive by Rattler’s or the café? Or should I just go home? I wanted to talk to him, and a message wouldn’t do.
I was making my mind up when I spotted his pickup coming down the drive. My stomach clenched, and I drew in a shaky breath. I’d wanted him to be home, but now that he was heading this way, I was tempted to run.
My thinking hadn’t been this chaotic about a guy since…ever.
There were so many signs that what I had with Holden was different from what had been between me and Henry. So much better. So much more real.
Holden pulled in and parked by my car. I didn’t go to him. My feet were rooted in place. The house blocked the worst of the winds, and the cat and the dog fortified my courage. They hadn’t run me off, which must have been a good sign.
Holden got out, not taking his concerned gaze off me. “Is everything okay?”
I almost said yes out of reflex, but that wasn’t what I came here for. “No.” As he walked toward me, his boots crunching in the snow, I let everything spill out. “I made a mistake. I cut things off with us too soon. I mean, not that a breakup was inevitable, but that I didn’t give us a chance. Then Mom pointed out that this was what Henry did. More like, whatIdid when it comes to Henry, and you know what? She’s right, and that’s awful, and I just want to go back in time and smack myself.”
My breath puffed out. I could keep rambling, but that was the sum of what I had to say. I tacked on, “I’m sorry.”
He absentmindedly petted Sally as he approached me. “After you go back in time to smack yourself, then what?”
His brown eyes were mesmerizing. The flecks of green were even brighter in the winter sun. He was so close, his heat enveloped me and warded off the worst of the chill.
“I’d…keep myself from saying everything I said.”
“You wouldn’t break up with me?” he asked, a hopeful note in his question.
I shook my head. My hands were stuffed into my coat pockets. A good place for them. It kept me from flinging myself at him.
“What if you have to move?” he asked.
I swallowed hard. “I don’t know. But I think that we can work it out if it comes to that.”
