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“Salem Sue?”
I heard only Avery’s excited tone. I couldn’t take my eyes off Holden. This place didn’t have a dishwasher. Instead, I had Holden, with his biceps flexing as he held the bowl for the Crock-Pot with one hand and dried it with the other. His ass looked so firm in his sweatpants, I pictured flicking a quarter off it and watching the coin bounce across the kitchen.
How could a newly divorced mom of four look at this guy and think,I’d have his babies;I’d have his babies so hard?
I gave myself a mental shake and was nearly undone again when he gave Avery his easy lopsided grin. “You been to Salem Sue?”
Avery nodded, thrilled to have someone to talk to other than her siblings and a perpetually distracted mom. “Mom took us there during one of our moving trips.”
As Avery rattled off the story of how she chased Afton around all four legs of the giant cow statue on a tall hill and how cool it was to see so much of the land spread out around them, Holden met my gaze as if he knew I’d been watching him the whole time.
I had been cooling off, but heat seeped back into my bones. I wished Henry had taken my hormones with him when he left. I’d thought he had. Until Holden had slid onto a stool next to me and his scent wrapped itself around me. Whatever he wore for cologne or aftershave was nothing like Henry’s expensive cologne.
Holden’s smell was like a mix of Irish Spring and aged whiskey barrel. I wasn’t a drinker, but I would happily over-imbibe everything Holden.
He dragged his gaze back to Avery. He might’ve been looking at me, but I had a feeling he’d heard everything she said. “My sister, Nora, used to be scared of Salem Sue. And the big buffalo in Jamestown.”
That set Avery off about visiting the big buffalo earlier this summer. Jamestown was only an hour and a half from Bismarck, and it made a quick day trip. The kids were at the age where giant animal statues were cool. We could make memories for less than a tank of gas while Henry flew his girlfriend to St. Martin.
Easy to do when he’d saddled me with half of his student loans and gotten out of paying much child support because of his half of the debt. But I wasn’t going to dwell on my ex right now.
I hated to interrupt, but Riley was starting to squirm. I set her down, and she ran to the living room. Afton was probably playing with her dolls, and I hoped she’d be in the mood to let her tiny sister play. “Avery, can you read Riley and Afton a couple of books while I talk to Holden? Landon’s going to shower.”
“Sure.” Avery’s shoulders drooped. She was enjoying being the center of someone’s attention. The girl had been a rock through the whole divorce. I knew it’d affect her, I just didn’t know how yet, and I hoped I wouldn’t see the fallout in her teenage years.
With just Holden and me in the kitchen, the room grew infinitely smaller. His body took up more space than was fair.
“Mind if we go outside?” As I twisted, the wet splotches on my shirt were cold against my skin. Classy. At least I wasn’t wearing supper.
Holden’s gaze dropped to the wet patches and brushed over my boobs on the way back up to my eyes. “No problem.”
What an unexpected moment to feel sexy. I stuffed the feeling away. Nothing about tonight would tell Holden I was looking for a hookup again. I had to learn to quit wanting what I couldn’t have.
He followed me out, and I dropped onto the front step where he’d sat with Landon. He settled next to me, his hands draped loosely over his knees and a shoulder brushing mine. His shoulder was the perfect height to lean my head against, but I resisted.
“You don’t have to teach Avery how to ride,” I said.
“She seemed really excited. I taught my sister to ride, and that seems so long ago, but she’s almost done with college. So, I’m not completely inexperienced, but I’d have to figure out how I’d work with Avery.”
“Henry… God, he made so many promises he flaked on.” I guess it wasn’t realistic to keep Henry out of my thoughts. He was the father of my kids, and I wouldn’t stop wishing he was different with them. Instead, he was turning into his parents. I should’ve seen it coming. He’d been raised by two selfish individuals, and he’d turned into one too.
He’d been that way since I met him, and I’d ignored it.
Holden was looking at me, but I stared at the house across the street. It was just as old as this one, a little more run down. Studying the peeling siding was easier than seeing that chiseled jaw and counting the deep-brown flecks in Holden’s amber eyes.
“For Avery, it’s horses. She’s been asking to learn to ride since she was four, and Henry kept telling her that after Riley was born, they’d check into it.” Holden could figure out the rest. Riley was born, and instead of horses, Avery cried while Henry packed his belongings to move out.
“How old is she?”
“Eleven.” I twisted my hands. The story spilled out. I should’ve expected it. Holden being easy to talk to had made me forget a lot of things. “I met Henry in college. He was premed; I was nursing. We got pregnant with Avery before I graduated, but I graduated. Then we got married, and I hit the road running with a new kid and a new husband. He got into med school in Grand Forks and we talked about more kids. Neither of us had siblings and liked the idea of a big family. He really seemed to love them. I mean, he does love them, but he liked the idea of them more than the responsibility.” I chuckled quietly. “It’s like being a surgeon takes all he has, and when he walks out of the hospital, he acts only for himself.”
“I won’t expect to see him at any games, then?” He sounded disappointed for my kids. But he’d mentioned his dad, so he probably understood more than I first assumed a single guy like him would.
“Who knows? He took a vacation with his new girlfriend, the twenty-three-year-old nurse he cheated on me with. I was training her. That’s how they met.”
Holden let out a low whistle. “That’s low.”
“That’s apparently Henry. I was foolish for not seeing it.”
