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“What should we watch?” Emery asked Avery.
Her daughter launched into a list full of titles I didn’t recognize. Emery settled on a Disney movie that was a villain origin story.
I relaxed into the movie. I hadn’t done this in…years. When I’d been with Teagan, we’d been finishing college and working part-time. At times, our relationship seemed more like we were roommates. Maybe that was why it hadn’t withstood what we’d gone through.
Emery’s relationship with Henry had to have been that way. They were going to school and having kids. And their relationship hadn’t lasted.
Why wasn’t this enough for Henry? I’d spent the last nine years mourning that I didn’t get this. I’d been going to the bars with Stetson for almost a decade, and it got old. Once every couple of years I asked him if that was it for us, as if each of us was only the wingman for the other but we’d be willing to quit in a heartbeat if the other was. All he’d say waswe’ll seeand we’d keep doing what we’d been doing.
Halfway through the movie, Lynnie scooted off the couch. “If I’m going to Landon’s game tomorrow, I should go home and get some sleep. Nice to officially meet you, Holden. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
I grinned. “I wish I could say none of it was true.”
She chortled and patted my shoulder as she walked past.
My mom wasn’t affectionate like that. I had no idea how she’d react if Nora brought a date home, but that could be why Nora had never brought a guy home. She and Mom were like apples and pineapples. Nora was the polished apple that was sweet but also a little tart. Mom was prickly with a tough core.
The movie wrapped up, and Emery nudged Avery. “Bedtime.”
Avery had other plans. “Are you giving me more horse lessons on Sunday?”
I glanced at Emery. We had discussed it, but after how I acted tonight, I didn’t know how much she wanted me around. She invited me here. Had I read too much into it?
Her jaw tightened but she met my gaze. “I don’t know. Are you up for it?”
“I’m still game, and you can bring all the kids.” I couldn’t believe I had offered—all the kids?
She tilted her head like she hadn’t heard correctly. “All of them?”
“They can at least pet a horse from the other side of the fence. And when Avery’s riding, you all can wait in the house.”
When I was younger, I’d assumed I’d grow up and farm and ranch and that my place would have a bunch of kids running around, just like my cousins and I did at each of our homes while we were growing up. Then that fantasy had taken a hell of a hit, and I didn’t recover. Each year that passed, I thought work would make up my life. That I was more like my mom than I feared.
Being around kids used to remind me of when my life imploded. Of when I found myself alone, with no one in my corner. Stetson had been the only person I talked to because he’d been the only one I trusted to tell.
But around Emery’s kids, I wasn’t reminded of memories I’d been avoiding for nine years. I reflected on that time of my life with less wincing, less regret that I didn’t do enough, and began thinking that maybe I’d stuffed everything inside myself so securely that it was causing more issues. And that maybe I could start looking over my tightly packed baggage without the hurt devastating me again.
Avery tried to keep her squeal quiet. “Landon will be sooo excited.”
Emery touched the tip of Avery’s nose. “Then you should go to bed and rest up.”
Avery rolled her eyes, but she trudged upstairs.
Finally, it was me and Emery, alone.
“So…” She rose and straightened the blankets on the couch. “Riley’s going to get up early.”
Oh. That was my cue to leave. “I don’t want to keep you up.” I did, but I wouldn’t.
“I know you invited all the kids, but are you sure it’s okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You got a little—” She fluttered her fingers in front of her face.
Pale? Panicked? She didn’t know the huge step I’d taken in that moment. I came up with a valid reason for why I might have looked like I was going to pass out. “I realize it’s a big responsibility to have kids around horses. My horses aren’t used to small kids. My cousin Liam’s kids have been over a couple of times. They know how to behave around horses, but they’re still six.”
“Gotcha. I’ll give them a good lecture on the drive out.”
