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Anne watched through the carriage window as the tavern disappeared from view. “I can see why you might wish to spend time there. There’s an electric kind of energy that I don’t see at the private suppers or eating establishments that I am more accustomed to.”
“These people feel free,” Letty said. “We all agree to it when we enter, no matter how tacitly, and we leave behind any gossip when we leave. It’s usually safe, but there’s always risk. Sometimes a deadly one. You can be yourself—not the self you want others to think that you are. But your true self. That’s what Hawthorne’s doing by not hiding his inclinations.”
“Did you recognize that man?” Anne asked quietly.
“Personally? No. But it could have been anyone. It could have been Fraser, or Marcus. Tomorrow, we will go back and each contribute some money and try to set this man’s affairs to right. If he has a wife, or a business, or a child, we will come together to ease their hardships.”
“That should be the role of society.” Anne frowned.
“Not when society shuns us. This is whatcommunitydoes.” Letty cupped her cheek, her eyes shining in the darkness of the carriage. “You were so brave. My beautiful, proud, defiant duchess.”
Anne flushed. “I am ashamed that I have done nothing in the past,” she said, the words burning her throat.
“But you did something tonight. You didn’t hesitate to use your name and your title to help.”
“Instead of hiding behind it to protect other rich people who don’t need it. What punishment is social censure compared to the reality of people’s lives?” She had never thought about it that way before.
They were silent the rest of the way home.
* * *
The next afternoon, Anne found Hawthorne slouched down on a chair in the library, one of the few rooms that had been spared from the chaos that reigned in the rest of the estate. One Hessian-booted leg stuck straight out in front of him, the other bent at the knee. He was scowling down at a book open on his lap.
For the past decade, she had tackled the dukedom’s problems without hesitation. But now, faced with her biggest problem—the duke himself—Anne realized that Letty had been right. She had done nothing more than hide since Hawthorne returned.
It was time to confront him.
He unfolded himself from the chair and bowed, looking at her thoughtfully with those heavy-lidded eyes that she knew so well.
“We need to talk,” Anne said.
“I am at your leisure, Your Grace.”
She resisted the urge to twist her hands in her skirts. Good lord, that was a habit she had left behind in the schoolroom. Instead, she sank into the armchair nearest the fire, watching the flames twist and spiral and collapse upon themselves before flickering anew.
Much like their marriage.
Anne meant to ask him how long he was planning to stay in London. She wanted to know why it had been so urgent that he move into Hawthorne House. She thought about him and Sir Phineas and had a thousand questions.
But what came out was something else entirely. “Why did you leave me?”
The instant the words were out, she wanted to retract them. She couldn’t tell if the fire flamed hotter in the grate, or on her cheeks.
Hawthorne gazed at her, and her stomach churned with the sweets that Cook had served earlier. Then he drew near and sat on the arm of her chair, and his scent was so familiar even after all these years that her eyes stung with unshed tears. The crisp starch on his collar mingled with the smoky amber cologne that he must still favor.
“It was never about you,” he said, his deep voice filled with regret. “You were my best friend, Annie. The only one I ever trusted.I am sorrier than I can ever express because I know I hurt you.” He looked away. “But I couldn’t bear it any longer, hiding my true self at balls or the opera, then sneaking into the shadows to risk a kiss or more.”
“Do you think it wasn’t difficult for me?” she asked. “I was in the same position.”
“I know. And I ruined it. You were the strong one, while I failed us both. If it means anything to you, please know that I have regretted it every single day of my life.”
“We were meant to handle thingstogether.” Pain lanced through her as she remembered the morning that she had woken up to the news that her husband had left.
His mouth tightened and he looked away. “I left the duchy in the best possible hands. I would trust in your integrity with my very life, so why would I not trust you with my family and our livelihood? I know you must have done a better job than I would have.”
“You didn’t have to stay away for a decade.”
“I never meant to make things harder for you. I thought what I was doing would make it easier. I swear to you, I always meant to come home.”
